quote: if i don't say that i love you, don't think that i don't love you... i'm just not ready to tell you that i do.

briggitte's quineanera was pretty fun. BRIGGITTE LOOKED SOOO BEAUTIFUL!!! omg. all of them looked pretty. yay! it was pretty cool. there was so much food. man! i got full! STRAWBERRIES! haha! funny stuff. omg. when other people were walking down the aisle and all of that other stuff, i got worried again. geez. i am such a retarded little person! it is not even funny. i can't help it. argh! i hate piano! it pisses me off! i thought that it was supposed to be fun. but my mom isn't helping! grr. i'm mad!

quote: irony can be deceiving.

ay naku! this isn't supposed to be getting to me. why is it getting to me? there is something wrong with me! i swear! it was back then. what do i have to worry about. it's just that what he said to her. i mean wow! what if that person still does. and what if that person is going to say the same thing to me as the other other person? omg! i'm stressing about this stupid thing! when she told me those things, they were funny... but it just made me think. i'm not the first. and i guess that it kind of bugs. but why? i mean ugh! am i getting jealous? wtf. aww crap. i need time to think. i need space to breathe. omg. i'm going to cry! what am i supposed to think? i mean what the other person said to the other other person before "they left from each other" is really scary. i mean the other other person has another person and so does the other person. but it's just too scary. i need a break. wait. breaks are bad. i need a break but not a real break. just a break all by myself.

quote: all guys are dogs.. just some more than others. all girls are bitches.. just some more than others.

HAPPY 5 MONTH ANNIVERSARY!!! i really don't know what i am supposed to write. chris wrote me a letter. that is so weird! the commercials for ikea are so funny! that one with the old people who are trying to talk all ghetto and "gettin their groove on." but it's so nasty when there is this old lady and two old men are all up on her and dancing. EEEWWW! so sick! i swear! and the ikea commercials are funny! that old guy cracks me up like a cracker! heh! some guys can be real DICKS! seriously. grr. whatever. i won't let it piss me off too much today. crud! i still have to make posters! i don't want to! boo! yugi-oh is and odd show. i think that is how you spell it. isn't it? well i still watch it. hah stephanie is funny. i don't have much to write about. oh! my irony story is so funny! i have something for six months now! woohoo! since i can't buy something, then i have to make something. and i know the perfect thing. hah! sucks for chris. heh! okies. peace out.

quote: "...why do i allow myself to cry? why do i allow myself to lie? maybe i should just give up and finally say goodbye..." -say goodbye by LyTHiUM

wow! i haven't written in my blog for a while. heh. today was fun! but i am so tired. i took a nap! yay! i'm happy. dudes! i want to sleep over kris' house. grr. but i have other crap. darn it. veggie swear words are funny. lucky mark and them! they got to see joe legaspi! lucky little punks! i wanted to see him. he's so hot! haha! but eyah. you know what i think is the stupidest quote ever? "you laugh because i'm different. i laugh because you're all the same." that quote seriously pisses me off. i mean no one is totally different so don't BS with that crap. ok. that probably made no sense at all. but still. so what. i know what i'm talking about. i don't care if you don't. ha. sucks for you! yay! i get to see a hot guy on sunday!!! guess who it is. it's LANCE! woohoo! omg! i'm happy. recitals are always fun just for that reason. ha! i suck so much. i have a bF and i check out other guys. i know he checks out girls too. eh. YOGURT IS THE BEST! i love YOGURT! yummy yummy stuff. GO YOGURT! jajaja. i know i'm an odd person. crap. i have to play for the little kids on saturday. i don't even know the songs. i am so screwed! grr. playing with ice is fun! my stupid boyfriend put a crap load of ice down my back and down the front of my shirt! heh! it's getting cold. *wink* a girl should know what i'm talking about. it's pretty funny. funny funny stuff.

quote: you're hat is cute, but you're beautiful. -some 30-40 year old guy that was talking to megan. (*molester/rapist*)

911. interesting day. hot day! i can't believe that it has already been a year it doesn't seem like a year. it seems like it just happened a few months ago. but that's just how i feel. TAP testing is finally over! it kind of sucks though because i like how the schedule is. hini bale. but yeah.that was so sick what happened to megan today! that guy was checking her out! go megan! but it is pretty sick just for the fact that the guy was pretty old. if he was our age or something then it would be a compliment. it would be even better if the guy was HOT! i mean hot and our age. yah. that's what i mean. i have been so tired lately. yes! i got jed a present! i should buy that one card that i got for him for myself. yeah! i should. i will! noooo! the hallmark near school is closing! that's not cool man! where am i going to buy my cards? aiya! it's ok. i am going to start my own card company... panda productions. yay!

quote: you cannot have sexual relations with a porcupine. -some stupid law in florida

grr. TAP! i hate it so much! the only things that are good about it are that you get breaks all the time and you get to get out of class early and you don't have to go to all of your regular classes and you get an hour and ten minutes for lunch. woohoo! it's not so bad though. at least it doesn't count for a grade. omg. grand theft auto 3 is so fun! beating up people and stealing their money in that game is so fun! seriously! i just need to learn the controls. ha! i'm a weird person. there is also one other thing that is cool about TAP is that i get to spend time with "my friend." so it's all good and gravy. i need to do lab. crap! oh well. it's ok. i can do it some other time this week. i have 3 more days... i think. he said it was due by the end of this week.. i always have rachel. so yeah. i hate going to school early! there is never anything to do there. grr. i think that is all that i have to say. FILIPINO FESTIVAL WAS SO FUNNY! karate chop a guy... on the NECK! yah! too bad there were no hot guys there. but ace is cute! buy hotnsexykoala is the HOTTEST! hehe! how come the korean people don't know what the friendship bell is? it was were they filmed VR troopers. people have to remember that show! meng! whateverz. i get it now! i know why they call it a quincenera! because QUINCE! 15! yah! get it? get it? yah! i got it! woohoo!

so what do you think?

up til now i thought that i would love someone else... someone sweet... someone talented... someone i could talk to about anything... but now i found you... you are sweet... talented... someone i can talk to... and so much more than what that other person will ever be to me... but now i'm not so sure... i thought you were the one... not the one that may be with me for life... but just the one... i thought you felt the same... but i guess that was just a disguise... something to make me feel a little bit better... something to make me feel not so awkward... i thought you would never hurt me... i guess i was wrong... you don't feel the same as i do... but you fooled me into believing that you did... we are still friends... but it won't be the same... i know you meant well... but do me a favor... just say what's true instead of lying to my face... i still love you... but i know you will probably never love me... but that's ok... because out friendship will see us through...

quote: an ideal friend is someone who is there for you no matter what. but none of us have those types of friends because no one is that unselfish.

yeah. i like that quote. i made it! yay for me! today was ok. i hung out with the guys a lot! yay! it's better than some other things. damn it! i just hate how some people are! seriously. it's like they are trying to seclude you but you try so hard to believe that they are not and that they have a reason behind all that stuff. people can be maarte sometimes. i know I can be A LOT of times. but whatever. it's not all my fault. ok. i am just being maarte because what if the other people are talking about something and i don't want to bother. it's not like i need the attention. i am not maarte for the attention. i am sometimes but not all the time. i CAN be considerate too. geez. fuck! what the hell man! my mom was right! friends aren't always going to be there for you when you need them but family always will. another thing i learned was that maybe the people that you don't think are your friends are actually better friends than the ones that you have been hanging out with. whatever man! all i can do is move on with life... even if it is without those friends.

quote: confusion sucks.

i failed both the biology and geometry tests! =( i'm sad. i was so stressed. i hate being stressed. grr. i was thinking about stuff. i don't know what is happening. i feel like they are not into it. it's weird. i don't want things to "split" or anything. i just want it to be somewhat like last year. i know it won't be because we have "all" changed. it's hard though. it gets me kind of depressed to think about it. it's scary too. what am i supposed to do? am i supposed to say something? but if i do then what do i say? see! this is crap! and school isn't helping either. i think "people" would rather not be around "me" as much. and friends. i don't know anymore. it's all a big blur. BLUR! i don't get to spend much time with "anyone." it sucks because i try to but when i do i am so maarte. grr. i hate that trait! why do i have to be so damn maarte! there is something wrong with me. i swear! maybe tomorrow will be a little bit better...

quote: i ask one thing from you.. please don't take me for granted.

boo! i can't sleep over kevin's house. the weird thing is that i really don't care. i mean i want to be there and all that stuff.. but it's not a big priority of mine at the moment. but it sucks that i can't sleep over. i wanted to watch fear dot com. and those other movies. it's ok. i will just watch it some other time. dudes! i never have anything to talk about in this stupid blog! nothing good or bad ever happens to me that i actually want to write about. dang it! why do people have to be so stupid! others aren't doing anything to them but yet they do all this other stuff to piss that other person off. do you follow? eh. i don't care if you do or not. i know what i am talking about and that is all that matters to me. dang! i got mean over the summer! i have to try to be nice! GET NICER! aahh! it's so hard though! how come everyone else has stuff in their life but my life just seems to... normal. well no one's life is normal but my life just has nothing in it. i have stress. does that count? you know what really gets to me? when people say something and you can't understand it and you ask them to repeat it but then they say "oh it was nothing." that really pisses me off! i mean i do it too. i know i am a hypocrite for saying what i said but it just pisses me off to the extent to where i want to cuss them out! sorry but that is just how i feel. if you feel the same way then just tell me and i will try not to do it to you. i have no patience! seriously. people take too damn long to decide on where to eat or what to do. it is so annoying! gosh. whatever. i hide my feelings and i am pretty good at it. i don't know why. i guess i am just scared of getting hurt. it's hard to trust people. it's hard to let them get close to you. not physically but emotionally and mentally. well it is for me. i can't let people get close to me in that way. it's just to hard. but i have to learn to do that because i will have to one day. but that day hasn't come yet. at least i don't think it has. or has it? crap.

quote: there is a difference between friends and TRUE friends.

it's so boring today! i hate it! there is never anything to do during the weekends. oh well. i don't care. actually, yes i do. SOMEONE TAKE ME OUT SOMEWHERE! grr. i hate being at home and being bored! it is so annoying! grr.. that's all the crap that i have to put. peace out.

quote: somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worth while, so when you're alone, remember it's true: somebody, somewhere is thinking of you.

YAY! HAPPY 4 MONTH ANNIVERSARY!!! yeah. i got him something. (you're not a jerk.) it's so cheesy! but whatever. kevin's house was interesting. ghost of mars is such a dumb movie! swordfish is good though. but i didn't get all of it because all these people kept calling me. wtf? since when do people call me? odd. crud! i still have geometry and biology homework! grr. i don't like school. whoever invented school is ghetto. are we sleeping over kristina's house next week? hey man! my name can fit on dog tags! it's 16 including the space! geez. that's so perfect. gosh. achibooboo! tyler is so cute! awww! someone take me to morning glory! that store is tight! i bought all this stuff there. there are a lot of BLUE stuff there. ((yeah erin! BLUE! woohoo!)) oh yeah! freeway entrance makes sense now. because when you are conforming to something, you enter into a place where everyone is.. like the FREEWAY. or something like that. it's hard to explain. but yeah! but you know what got me mad? it didn't get me mad like "karla mad" but it got me mad.. how they didn't even tell me anything about the vespers that was coming up and i found out when they were already passing out the flyers. that's cheap! i am supposed to be religious-vice and i plan out stuff. but no! they didn't even ask for my help. geez. they gave me less than 24 hours to think of something. that's not cool man! but ading roach really got mad. don't mess with that chick meng. but to be honest, vespers sucked. sorry but it did. i didn't get much out of it. maybe my heart wasn't in it but whatever. i don't know.

quote: take in all the bitter and all the sweet that life has to offer.. and in the end, you will end up with more sweet.

finally! this week is almost over! yay! i get to do HTML. woohoo! what should i take next: javascript of flash? hmm. choices choices choices. crudders meng! what are we supposed to sing for vespers tomorrow? aiya. i don't even know what i am supposed to be doing for vespers tomorrow. some religious-vice i turned out to be. eh. oh dear! i have to do all this other stuff. crap! i forgot! i still have to make a poster/banner for the filipino club to present to the people in chapel tomorrow. aiya! all this stress. at least i don't have a lot of homework today. i hope that i don't have a lot of homework on friday, either. weekends are supposed to be kick back and relax time, not do homework and stress time. but i bet that we are going to have something for honors bio. geez. that class is so confusing. at least veronica knows what is going on. i feel so lost in that class.

a little bit of this and that:
naku! hindi ko alam ang ginagawa ko. walang horas na puede ako mag usap sa yong lalaki na nandoun. ang hirap naman ito. iba na. hindi ko alam kong maganda oh masama. na kakainis naman! wala naman akong horas na mag usap sa kanya. masama ba ako kasi busy ako? aiya! hindi ko na alam. parang.. ang pakiramdam ko ay... guilty.

quote: advice is probably the only free thing which people won't take. -l. kaul

today was so much better than yesterday. geez. i am totally clueless during bio. wth is he talking about? i got my cell phone today. i mean i ACTUALLY got it. yay! it's bbbbbbbbbbblllllllllllllllllllllllllluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeee! bio is ok. i guess. i don't know what to think of it right now. i really hate being a sophomore and having to practice piano at the same time. it's a pain in the butt! i need a vacation. i had almost three months of vacation and i didn't get any time off. geez. i feel like a loser. JOIN THE FILIPINO CLUB! yay! i am PR so i have to promote this thing to the school. grr. whatever. oh dear! vespers is on friday. hmm. when is the SA beach vespers? oh yeah. september 6. yes! the beach is the best place ever! woohoo!

quote: i hate all of this!

it's the first day of school. to tell you the truth.. it sucked. well for me it did. i did not have much fun. i thought that i would have a great time seeing all of my friends and all that but no. it's not happening. but there is a good thing about this day.. I GOT A CELL PHONE! woohoo! i am soo happy! i finally get one. kristina is so happy. today was cheap. and i have lab and an officer's meeting tomorrow and all this other crap. CRAP CRAP CRAP. that is all that school is... CRAP! i never thought i would say this, but i think that my favorite class, as of now, is PE. ((i shutter to think.)) isn't that so weird. ok. i'm sick and tired of writing in this today. screw it. aren't i so positive?

quote: don't be afraid to get hurt.. because when you get hurt, that's when you experience true happiness.

i had the weirdest dream. i had a dream that i was a glendale filipino church and satan gave me a bucket of chips. he said that he never saw my heart beat so much. iw as like "wth." and all of a sudden i saw my heart appear on my chest and it was beating really hard. odd. omg! karla is a little b****. she pisses me off. i threw a tantrum because of her! she isn't doing her job at all! i had a talk with her before the play. i just told her that over the past week, i felt like she hasn't been doing her job. she told me that the kids will behave. but still! she still has to do her job. shoot! that's what i told her! and guess what? she didn't do her job! freakin A! if she told me that i wasn't doing my job, i would have said that she doesn't even know what i do and what my responsibilities are so she better not be talking. and i am doing my job and her job too. all she does is play with the kids. there is nothing wrong with that but there is a time to be serious and a time to play. geez. i seriously don't like her at all! at least now i know that i can confront someone and not just be all talk.

quote: have a raging day!

haha. today was so fun! i miss rene! he's my favorite now. he's so cute! aww. achibooboo! i got hurt in the amazon river thing. the stupid floor hurts! the kids were so good! me gusta! =) S.O.S. (save our ship). omg. that was so funny! shark shark shark! omg. all these inside jokes with those weird people. ha! dudes! what are kris and i supposed to wear for twin day? aiya!

quote: stupidity should be painful.

geez. all i wanted to do was finish my class art thingy. that's all! how am i supposed to know what to do with my craft. i don't go to crafts! grr. oh well. i can just finish it some other time.. i hope. =) rene is with group 11 and 12. i kind of miss him but not really since we don't have rotation and stuff like that. dang it! the kids piss me off! all i want them to do is pay attention to me. is that so hard to ask?!?! well maybe it is, for them, since they are little kids and their attention span isn't that big. but i don't care. PAY ATTENTION TO ME! ALL EYES ON ME! argh. but only 3 more days of practice. so it's cool.

quote: life is short-- eat the frosting first.

omg. strawberry shortcake is the coolest! i'm going to CRY! abercrombie. sheez. i spent $55 on 3 friggin abercrombie and fitch shirts. SO MUCH! it's ok kristina.. we still have abercrombie shirts. it's all good. i spent like $85 on all the stuff i bought today! so much! geez. the boba at seoul grindz is yummy! i got passion fruit. heh²! i spent so much money! i can't spend anymore money! stop me from spending money! i can't ever go shopping ever again! oh! but i have to buy AE stuff and black pants and a white shirt. haha! i am such a loser. aiite. peace out!

quote: excuses can probably get you out of a sticky situation.. but you can never make one big enough to escape life. - k. calaustro

i have not seen this much drama for the longest time in the word! to be blunt.. it's hilarious to me. sorry but it just is. people are arguing and bickering at each other for the smallest reasons. it's lack of communicatin, i tell you.. just basic LACK OF COMMUNICATION! byron thinks that we are neutral. boy, you have gots to be messin'! we are in this. we may not be the main people but we are. we are on the majority side. seriously. basically, it all boils down to two sides. majority side and minority side. it's majority vs. minority. the minority people are rhodalyn, remllyn, karla, and mayann.. and the majority is everyone else excpet ruth. i don't care if i tell people who they are. like they care! i may not be in it as much as some people but i am still a part of it. that meeting on wednesday was the best meeting i have ever been to in my life! ((i bet jayson had the best birthday of his life.)) i wish grace was there though. she would have spoke her mind. if she wasn't assistant director i bet there would be a little cussing too. people have to listen to what others have to say about their faults because what they say might help them out in the future. people have to have respect when others are speaking. when people are laughing and smiling and talking amongst themselves and have no respect for the person speaking, that pisses me off! and when someone actually confronts you about something that they think is wrong and you are doing, i think that you should listen or at least pretend to be even just a little bit of interest in what they say. and if you take the adivse they give you, it could help you out later on in life. i hate it when people point fingers! karla shouldn't say sh*t because so what if she was new. so what if we didn't come up to her. hey man! some of us tried but you were too busy trying to block them out to realize it. don't point fingers at people who aren't even at fault. look at stephen. he only knew jayson but he still tried to make an effort to make friends with us. karla made no effort at all. the only effort that she made was the effort to block us out of her life. and look at ruth. she knew no one! and she is shy and doesn't talk much. but still, she is cool with everyone! karla has no friggin reason to point fingers at us and say that we didn't try. and i think that they are BSing when the four girls say that they don't know what they did. they know exactly what they did! and if we did ask them to sit down with us, they wouldn't sit anyway! and why do we have to ask. they can sit down if they want to. we don't own the table. geez. look what this is doing to rebecca! torn. damn it! i think that they try way too hard to alienate themselves from the rest of the staff. people may do something and mean it one way but another person can take it as something different. when people try to correct you on something, give them props for having the balls to come up to you and say it and don't blow them off. it takes a big person to confront someone about something but it takes a bigger person to stand there and listen to what they have to say. rhodalyn holds her feelings in. she threw a fit in the bathroom. geez. i don't think it will ever change. they tried talking to each other and after five minutes, they were back with their old groups. jasmin and them know what they are saying. the 4 girls are BSing their butts off. this whole thing, the kids can see. i wouldn't mind if this thing went on while the school year was going on. but it's not. it is happening while summer day camp is going on. and i think the kids can feel the tension. especially the kids that have counselors from the two different sides. dude! and when you cry, don't go to where all the kids are.. they know what's happening. they aren't stupid. kids realize things. well next year summer day camp won't be having this problem anymore. this has been going on for years and this is the time where it all comes out. it's kind of gay though since it came out when we all need to work harder and together as a group. it is a critical time of the summer. i feel sorry for jenefel because she has to deal with this, the musical, and everything else. she cried during the meeting. it's hard for her. tension. but honestly, i could listen to them talk about it for hours. all the cussing and all the bickering and complaining about stupid stuff. *sigh* those are the fun times. i am starting to see fake people. i would have never thought how remllyn could be so fake. mayann and remllyn changed a lot over the year. people can be such hypocrites! don't give excuses for what you have done wrong. cough::karla::cough (refer above) don't get me wrong. i am a hypocrite too. i am not saying that i'm not.. i am! and you can't just think of quick fix solutions for things that have been happening for a very long time. and don't make the other person to look like the bad guy when you know that what you are doing is wrong. karla made a fool of herself when she told us not to baby matthew when she is doing the same thing herself. look at yourself before you try and correct others of their mistakes. sorry, but i think this whole thing is funny even though some of it pisses me off. i want that wednesday to happen once more but this time with grace in the meeting. many tears have been shed in the past few days. but i think that most of the tears are gone. at least that's what i think. peace out.