quote: many things come as surprises.

HAPPY SIX MONTH ANNIVERSARY! awww. thanks for the cd and the flowers. you're so sweet. (thank you for delivering them to me jenelyn.) today was surprisingly very good. i smiled a lot! =) i think we are all better now. but i still think that he is still beating himself up about it. it's not all his fault. i am to blame also. i feel bad for him. he has been having a bad week. i wish i can do something to make it all better. but i don't think that i can. boo! you know, half a year sounds longer than six months. hmm. that is interesting. well that is just my opinion. i didn't expect flowers. surprise surprise! today was probably the best day of the week. but it didn't start off so great. i feel bad. i made him sad and all worried. but i hope that he realizes what i am trying to get through to him. i really want him to open up to me. i am his girlfriend. he should be able to. seriously. ok. new subject. that "data match" that SA is doing is really odd. i want to know who i will be matched best with but i don't want to pay. that is gay! and it would suck even more if i paid and i ended up with some weird guy. haha! erin... jack. funny stuff. i bet that i won't be matched up with chris. seriously. it just doesn't work that way. this whole thing is to introduce the whole banquet thing. i hope that chris doesn't assume that i am going to go with him. i mean i want to but he has to ask. he can't just automatically assume that i am going with him just because i am his girlfriend. maybe some would disagree. but i am not his "property." i would like to be asked if it is alright with you, thank you very much! i happen to feel very stongly on this opinion of mine. i would ask him if i was the person who was asking. i mean what if they didn't want to go? what if they wanted to be asked? then what, huh? the banquet is in a little more than a month. interesting. crap! i still have to buy a dress! if i am not going with anyone, i would still go... just as long as someone with no date went with me. i mean like one of my friends. like last year. yah megan! woohoo! it was soo fun! aiya! i am going to fail the biology test. serious. i have not studied. grr. aww! chris sounds so cute when he sings "come what may." it's so adorable! achibooboo! patrick doesn't believe in love when you're in high school. i do. i mean why not? i think that real live is when you can love someone for both their good and bad traits. you accept that they are human and make mistakes and aren't perfect and they have flaws. but you still love them. you forget about those bad things and focus on the good things. because in the end, all the good things outweigh all the bad things by so much.

quote: complications arise when things seem so perfect.

aiya! so hard. today was the hardest day of my life. it was killing me not being able to talk to him. i mean i could, but it hurt to even lookt at him or even stand near him. my friends are my protection from things. after school was crap. it was not cool. i talked to him and told him what was on my mind. i told him that it was up to him now whether or not he wanted to continue this relationship. i was going to cry. i did. but i stopped while in the car. it was a good thing that i got to go out with jen, erin, and mark. thanks guys!

quote: as long as my face is face to face with your face, i can face anything. =)

i am still worrying about it! oh crap! i have to make his stupid card! well i mean it's not stupid but i don't want to make it. but i will because i care. i wish that he would just stop being negative and be more open to me. i mean i start a conversation and he only says like one or two things about it. what's wrong? does he not want to open up to me? does he think that if he does that i will not like him anymore. it's going to be six months already. shouldn't we be able to talk to each other about anything? i mean i love him and all but if he isn't going to communicate with me then what's the point of this relationship. relationships are about communication. we can't just be holding hands and hugging and that's all. you know what i mean? i can kind of empathize with rachel. soory bud about what's happening to you. but if you aren't happy with someone then you should know what to do. follow your heart. how am i going to say it? i think that i am just going to say it straight out and then get into the "details." i am just going to let him sleep on it. yeah. that's what i will do. i think that it's best for me to do that. but i am still so confused. i want to know why he doesn't open up to me. he doesn't tell me anything. he tells me some things but ergh. i can't explain. i want him to know that i am here for him and i can listen to him. he listens to me. but now it's MY turn to listen. i WANT to. only if he would let me... i really don't mind. six months and nothing. well, not all. nothing=no communication. does he even need a girlfriend right now? it's like we both have no time for each other. last year we talked soo much. we talked for like two hours whenever he called me. but now we don't even talk for 15 minutes. it's so hard! having a relationship during sophomore year is a difficult task. but i'm not saying that it is not possible. i have survived one quarter and i have managed to keep my grades up pretty high. i don't know anymore. i want it to last but that's only if he wants it to.