My Tribute

It has been some time since I've blogged anything, but I have things on my mind that I feel I need to express. I recently lost someone who meant a great deal to me.
Auntie Connie has always been a constant in my life, and we have gone closer over the years. Unfortunately, we lost her to her battle to cancer. During the funeral I was the only cousin who did not say anything. She did not have any kids of her own, but we all felt like we were one of hers. I didn't want to say anything during the funeral because I am generally bad with expressing my feelings, especially when dealing with loss. Through my mourning period, I have had time to think of what I would have said if I were to have gone up there.

"Over the last several years Auntie Connie and I developed a special bond. When Auntie was sick, there were always a lot of visitors around. I would usually be there in the background trying to blend in. But the day before she passed away I went to visit her. My mom, Auntie Fel or one of Auntie Connie's friends would usually be there keeping her company. But on this day it was just her and me. I always found it easier to talk to her when it was just us two. She was very tired and would fall in and out of sleep as I sat there holding her hand. Before I left, she woke up just long enough for me to tell her "I love you." She whispered, "I love you too, Naning." I asked her if she was tired, and she said yes. I told her to get some sleep and that I'd see her tomorrow. Unfortunately that was the last time I talked to her. But I thank God everyday that those were the last words I got to say to her, and that we were able to have that time alone together. I'll miss you, Auntie Connie. We'll see you in the morning."

Mo money mo problems

For the past three weeks I have been working 60 hour weeks to help implement a new computer program at work. Yes, the paycheck is nice, but it leaves me very little time to enjoy my hard earned money. OK maybe it's not so "hard earned" considering that all I do is sit on my ass play games, read (I read 5 books in Feb), and go on Facebook. Since I have been making a little more cash and have all this work time to comb the internet for financial advice, I found myself thinking about buying a house. Jennifer, homeowner. Yeah, that has a nice ring to it. But as I read through the endless articles directed towards first time home buyers, it made me more and more discouraged. Even with interest rates and house prices at an all time low it seems like I can't afford a house on just my salary alone. I could probably afford a house if I were only paying for the mortgage, but I also have to take into account homeowner's insurance, property tax, etc. That's an additional $200-$400 a month. Crap. It seems like the only way I can afford a house is if I get married so there will be additional income in the household. But I probably shouldn't get married just so I can get a tax break, right?

I am an American.

Occasionally I'll get an urge to buy something, anything, for no reason whatsoever. I had this overwhelming feeling last week. It got me thinking as to why I, and many of my friends and family, get this urge to purchase items that we convince ourselves are necessary when in fact we would be just as happy without them. The answer was so simple: American consumersim. The American culture has conditioned us to buy buy buy. Every day there are hundreds of ads that charge our senses and try to convince us to buy a particular product. And somehow, a little bit of that advertisement seeps into our brains which cause us to want. I have family and friends in other parts of the world, and they don't get the same shopping urge like Americans do. I'm not complaining about the fact that I randomly want things for no reason and that American consumerism is so deeply embedded into my subconscious. Hey, if I have the expendable income that can afford me the luxury of buying what I want and at the same time help boost the economy, I'm all for it. But I do not condone purchasing items you don't need, putting it on your credit card, and piling mounds of debt. Now that's not helping anyone.

2011, eh.

Am I the only one who doesn't feel like 2011 is going to be their year? Everyone around me seems to feel that 2011 is going to be a great year. As for me, it seems like it's just going to be mediocre. Nothing special, just another year. I suppose it's because I felt like 2010 was my year, which it was for the most part. Can someone have their year two years in a row?

Anyhow, I'll revert back to the good ol' high school days and put up an end of the year survey. =)

DID YOU DO SOMETHING YOU WOULD NEVER DO?
Not really.

DID YOU KEEP ANY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS?
Nope. FAIL!

DID ANYONE CLOSE TO YOU GIVE BIRTH?
No, but in 2011 that will change =)

DID ANYONE CLOSE TO YOU DIE?
Yes

DID YOU VISIT ANY COUNTRIES?
No =(

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE IN 2011 THAT YOU LACKED IN 2010?
Less loans

WILL ANY DATE IN 2010 STAY ETCHED IN YOUR MEMORY FOREVER?
August 2, 2010, first day at my first real job =)

WHAT WAS YOUR BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT IN 2010?
Graduating college and getting a job

WHAT WAS YOUR BIGGEST FAILURE?
spending too much money on unnecessary things

DID YOU SUFFER ILLNESS OR INJURY?
Nope! Wow, that's a first.

WHAT WAS THE BEST THING YOU BOUGHT IN 2010?
SHOES! (of course)

DID YOUR BEHAVIOR CHANGE OVER THE YEAR?
I think work made me grow a stronger backbone.

WHERE DID YOU SPEND MOST OF YOUR MONEY?
loans =/

ARE YOU HAPPIER THAN THIS TIME LAST YEAR?
I'd say it's equal, although I feel less pressure in all aspects of my life.

WHAT SONG WILL REMIND YOU OF 2010?
some Lady Gaga song

WHAT DO YOU WISH YOU HAD DONE MORE OF?
read and run

WHAT DO YOU WISH YOU HAD DONE LESS OF?
watch tv

WHAT DID YOU DO FOR CHRISTMAS '10?
work, sleep, watch the (pathetic) Laker game, went to McDonald's for Christmas dinner with Jenelyn, work

DID YOU FALL IN LOVE IN 2010?
nope

DID YOU GET YOUR HEART BROKEN IN 2010?
maybe just a bit haha

FAVORITE TV PROGRAM OF '10?
Modern Family & The Big Bang Theory

DO YOU HATE ANYONE NOW THAT YOU DIDN'T HATE THIS TIME LAST YEAR?
I don't hate anyone.

WHAT WAS THE BEST BOOK YOUR READ AND/OR MOVE YOU SAW?
Book: Damn, I wish I read more this year
Movie: Inception

WHAT WAS YOUR GREATEST DISCOVERY?
I have more self control than I give myself credit for.

WHAT DID YOU DO ON YOUR BIRTHDAY AND HOW OLD WERE YOU?
Best. Birthday. Ever. Glen Ivy spa with Khaing, then surprise par-tay!

WHAT WHAT THING WOULD HAVE MADE YOUR YEAR IMMEASURABLY MORE SATISFYING?
no comment

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONAL FASHION CONCEPT OF 2010?
Boring

WHO WAS THE BEST NEW PERSON YOU MET?
tie between Jay, Lisa and Alvin

WHO DID YOU WISH YOU DID NOT MEET?
certain doctors at work

WHO WAS YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Titi Tina, thanks GURL!

WHO WAS YOUR ENEMY?
I don't think I have any

WHO DO YOU MISS?
college friends

WHO WILL YOU NEVER FORGET?
certain PAs at work ;)

TELL US A VALUABLE LIFE LESS YOU LEARNED IN 2010:
?

WHAT WILL YOUR ALWAYS REMEMBER ABOUT 2010?
a bunch of responsibility piled

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO IN '11 THAT YOU COULDN'T IN '10?
move out of the house

ANY RESOLUTIONS?
be more rebellious

ANYTHING YOU WANT TO CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF IN 2011?
be more patient

DO YOU WANT TO MAKE MORE FRIENDS IN 2011?
of course

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes I just want to be left alone! I know myself pretty well, and there are certain things that I am particular about.
1. After work or school, I like about an hour of peace all to myself. No interruptions, no people.
2. Asking me if I've eaten yet is one thing, but telling me to go and eat or that I HAVE TO eat crosses a line for me. I'll eat when I damn well please!
3. It peeves me when I am about to go out and people tell me, "Wear something warmer, it's cold outside." Listen, I know what clothes I need to wear in order for my body temperature to stay at a comfortable level for me. And who knows that better than ME! So quit telling me what to freaking wear, especially if we are comfortable in different climates.
4. I don't like being tickled or any physical contact of that nature. Keep your fucking hands to yourself! I especially hate it when people slap my butt. Slap my butt, and I'll slap your face!
Today I'm just very annoyed and cranky. I'd like to move out and get my own place.

Space

Part of my sanity involves me getting some along time. Unlike some, I cannot constantly be surrounded by people or even one person. I require time to myself, even if I am doing absolutely nothing. This is particularly true after I come home from work. For about 13 hours, I am bombarded with people asking me questions and asking me to do this or that. After a long day it's nice to have no interruptions and space out.
Although with recent familial events, I have temporary lost my peace. I consider myself a fairly flexible person, but there is a limit. It's been some time since I've had real time to myself. I compensate by going out alone, just driving from one random place to the other. It's only a couple hours, but it feels amazing! But it's not quite the same as being able to sit on your own bed, in your own room, thinking about nothing and not be interrupted.
This has made the idea of moving out a more real possibility. A big reason why I am still living at home is because I want to pay off my loans as soon as possible. Also, it's sooooo close to work, I mean like 500 feet away. But in about seven months, I will pay off a big chunk of loans. I realize that my space will eventually be returned to me, but even then, this room really isn't my own. I live in my parents' house, with their rules. I don't have the freedom I experienced when I was away at college. Even though I am saving a whole lot of money by staying, can that money buy me freedom?

Mañana

In 14 hours I start working! I will officially be a part of the American workforce. Today I bought some scrubs for the occasion. While in nursing school, I had decided where I wanted to work and what type of unit I wanted to work in. I was also adamant about which hospital and unit I DEFINITELY DID NOT want to work at. But here I am, less than a day away from starting at that very hospital I never ever wanted to be at, in the unit that I always detested. I'm curious as to how this job and hospital will change my career path and alter the goals I had set for myself while in school. Surprisingly, I am not upset or discouraged by the shift my life has taken. It's going to be a fun experience, seeing where my life will take me and where my career will go. Maybe I'll find what my true passion is. Only time will tell. But as for right now, I must prepare for tomorrow.

Static

I'm crawling out of my own skin. I'm in need of a new experience, a change in my life that I have not experienced before. I start my job in less than two weeks, but it's not a very big change in my life. I will be working at the same hospital I've centered my life around for the past 19 years and will be surrounded with familiar faces. Not exactly the change I'm looking for. What I truly want to do is to move. Not to Pasadena or Alhambra or anywhere I can access with local public transportation. I want to move to Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, Chicago, SOMEWHERE ELSE! For the past five years everything has pretty much stayed the same. At times it feels like I am not living my life. I'm just going with the motions and doing what I am supposed to do. Aside from the new job opportunity I have, which I am very grateful for, there is nothing here for me in Southern California. I love my friends and family, but everyone is moving on and living their lives whereas my life seems so stagnant.

HIRED!

Today at 9:57 AM I received a call from the nurse recruiter, and she offered me a job on the med-surg unit. Sweet! Tomorrow I'm going to fill out all the paperwork, get my physical, and get my badge. Woohoo!

what a TEASE

I have been growing more and more impatient with my application status at the hospital I applied to. I've been calling the nurse recruiter to get an update, but I just keep getting her voicemail. Each time I am tempted to yell, "CAN YOU PLEASE JUST TELL ME IF I AM HIRED OR NOT!?" But of course I don't and instead leave the generic message I have created for situations like this. I interviewed with three units, and I am very interested in two. And now the universe is starting to mess with me. Today I ran into the two nurse managers of the two units I want to work in. Oh come on! Both times I wanted to scream, "AM I HIRED OR NOT?!" It took all the inner strength I had not to do so. Please hire me.

But my life's not always such a downer. I officially graduated from college. And like I predicted, it was a circus. I also got to see the 2010 NBA Champion LA Lakers at the taping for Jimmy Kimmel. Apparently there were over 950,000 people who tried to get tickets. We were less than 50 feet away from them! It was so awesome! Tomorrow I'm going to buy the Wheaties box with the Lakers on it. =)