quote: stay what you are.

meng! parents piss me off! i hate living up to their stupid expectations and their stupid crap. lectures... lectures... and more lectures. aiya. whatever. i think that we did well today. but we only had one stupid mike and we weren't loud enough. GRRR! oh well. it's over now so we can't do anything about it. hindi bali. yay! filipino club outing! i am so happy. oh man! i have to take a flyer for it. crazy! i am going to have so much fun there! yeah! go FLIP SIDE! i really want to watch that movie. it seems really good and funny and all that other stuff that goes witha filipino movie. haha! man! i screwed up so much! i am so sorry! i shouldn't have even done what i did. it was so stupid! I AM SOOOO SUPER SORRY!!! i am the worst person ever. I LOVE YOU! crap! i still have to buy a banquet dress. i need to LOOK for one. geez. i am such a dork. i have one in mind but i know that i am not going to get it. freakin $129. crud! so much stupid money just for one WINDSOR dress. stupid windsor! they are so expensive. i am just going to go to the one on vally. seriously. it seems so much cheaper. well most places are cheaper than windsor. i don't understand why windsor is so expensive. it's just the brand. aiya! who cares about the stupid brand. MONEY! hello! are people that shallow? i'm not saying that if you buy a dress at windsor, then you are shallow. i have gotten a dress from there before. but i mean, people that but things for the brand. that's who is shallow. i mean seriously. expensive stuff isn't always the best. but sometimes i can be impulsive and go against what i am saying right now. but everyone is guilty of that. so eyah. ok. what do i have to spend for the banquet? dress, shoes, hair, boutonniere, and half of pictures. that's not too bad. it's still more than $100. but if it's $100 or less, i will be soo happy! you don't even understand. i am so low on cash. and i still have to think of where i am going to go for A.A.W. mother humper! chorale people don't have to go through this! aiya! but at least we have a choice of where we want to go. haha! suckers. but we are all suckers, so whatever. awww. *SUCKERS FOREVER*

quote: come what may...

today was eh. omg. I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE CHRISTMAS BANQUET ANYMORE! so much freakin money for one freakin event! geez. i say that we just all go in jeans and a shirt and that's it. seriously meng! my maximum spending for a dress it $70. remember that! please do. and i am going to buy shoes at payless. hey man! they have nice shoes there for a really cheap price. and no one will ever know that they are from there... unless you are reading this. hehe. so that's like $10-20. my hair can be done by that lady be jenelyn's house and she's pretty good and her prices are low. or i can get someone else to do it like jenelyn or sarah or someone. chris' boutonniere is not that expensive. like $10. and there's pictures! oh super! how much is that going to be? dude! i'm spending so much money! it's not like last year. my dress was $50, my hair was free, tickets were $40 and no boutonniere. pictures were like $20. that's only like $110. geez. i am spending like so much more this year. crap! i think that i am going to CRY! i am so glad that there are only one of these events per year. if there were two, i think i would die. but next year there will be two. at least i have some time to save up. ha! right. like i am really going to save up. my butt! funny stuff. this banquet better be good! if not.. HAL-LA! putang ina! but i think that it will be fun. i will make it fun. like last year. but not like last year. different fun. eyah. i'm satarassing!

quote: one. two. three. BANG!

CONGRATULATIONS PHILIP AND MICHELLE! awwww! i am so happy! i can't believe that they are together. man! they are so meant for each other. seriously. omg! i am so happy! i can't stop smiling. it was so sweet when he asked her out. omg! today was the sweetest day! man! ok. moving on. yes. i "banged" today. no. bang is not what you think it means. let's just say it has something to do with kissing. yeah. that's it. i guess. freakin! so many people were pressuring me into it. i mean it's not like i didn't want to. i just don't want to be so pressured about it. let me do it on my own. haha! but we both "made the first move" so it's ok. enough of that topic. ha! so many people think it's weird. so many people like jina and bryan. hahaha! sorry guys. try not to think about it guys. ha! well, this day is just pleasant. yes! no school tomorrow! woohoo! i am so happy! free day! peace.

quote: many things come as surprises.

HAPPY SIX MONTH ANNIVERSARY! awww. thanks for the cd and the flowers. you're so sweet. (thank you for delivering them to me jenelyn.) today was surprisingly very good. i smiled a lot! =) i think we are all better now. but i still think that he is still beating himself up about it. it's not all his fault. i am to blame also. i feel bad for him. he has been having a bad week. i wish i can do something to make it all better. but i don't think that i can. boo! you know, half a year sounds longer than six months. hmm. that is interesting. well that is just my opinion. i didn't expect flowers. surprise surprise! today was probably the best day of the week. but it didn't start off so great. i feel bad. i made him sad and all worried. but i hope that he realizes what i am trying to get through to him. i really want him to open up to me. i am his girlfriend. he should be able to. seriously. ok. new subject. that "data match" that SA is doing is really odd. i want to know who i will be matched best with but i don't want to pay. that is gay! and it would suck even more if i paid and i ended up with some weird guy. haha! erin... jack. funny stuff. i bet that i won't be matched up with chris. seriously. it just doesn't work that way. this whole thing is to introduce the whole banquet thing. i hope that chris doesn't assume that i am going to go with him. i mean i want to but he has to ask. he can't just automatically assume that i am going with him just because i am his girlfriend. maybe some would disagree. but i am not his "property." i would like to be asked if it is alright with you, thank you very much! i happen to feel very stongly on this opinion of mine. i would ask him if i was the person who was asking. i mean what if they didn't want to go? what if they wanted to be asked? then what, huh? the banquet is in a little more than a month. interesting. crap! i still have to buy a dress! if i am not going with anyone, i would still go... just as long as someone with no date went with me. i mean like one of my friends. like last year. yah megan! woohoo! it was soo fun! aiya! i am going to fail the biology test. serious. i have not studied. grr. aww! chris sounds so cute when he sings "come what may." it's so adorable! achibooboo! patrick doesn't believe in love when you're in high school. i do. i mean why not? i think that real live is when you can love someone for both their good and bad traits. you accept that they are human and make mistakes and aren't perfect and they have flaws. but you still love them. you forget about those bad things and focus on the good things. because in the end, all the good things outweigh all the bad things by so much.

quote: complications arise when things seem so perfect.

aiya! so hard. today was the hardest day of my life. it was killing me not being able to talk to him. i mean i could, but it hurt to even lookt at him or even stand near him. my friends are my protection from things. after school was crap. it was not cool. i talked to him and told him what was on my mind. i told him that it was up to him now whether or not he wanted to continue this relationship. i was going to cry. i did. but i stopped while in the car. it was a good thing that i got to go out with jen, erin, and mark. thanks guys!

quote: as long as my face is face to face with your face, i can face anything. =)

i am still worrying about it! oh crap! i have to make his stupid card! well i mean it's not stupid but i don't want to make it. but i will because i care. i wish that he would just stop being negative and be more open to me. i mean i start a conversation and he only says like one or two things about it. what's wrong? does he not want to open up to me? does he think that if he does that i will not like him anymore. it's going to be six months already. shouldn't we be able to talk to each other about anything? i mean i love him and all but if he isn't going to communicate with me then what's the point of this relationship. relationships are about communication. we can't just be holding hands and hugging and that's all. you know what i mean? i can kind of empathize with rachel. soory bud about what's happening to you. but if you aren't happy with someone then you should know what to do. follow your heart. how am i going to say it? i think that i am just going to say it straight out and then get into the "details." i am just going to let him sleep on it. yeah. that's what i will do. i think that it's best for me to do that. but i am still so confused. i want to know why he doesn't open up to me. he doesn't tell me anything. he tells me some things but ergh. i can't explain. i want him to know that i am here for him and i can listen to him. he listens to me. but now it's MY turn to listen. i WANT to. only if he would let me... i really don't mind. six months and nothing. well, not all. nothing=no communication. does he even need a girlfriend right now? it's like we both have no time for each other. last year we talked soo much. we talked for like two hours whenever he called me. but now we don't even talk for 15 minutes. it's so hard! having a relationship during sophomore year is a difficult task. but i'm not saying that it is not possible. i have survived one quarter and i have managed to keep my grades up pretty high. i don't know anymore. i want it to last but that's only if he wants it to.

quote: i think i can make you happy, but only if you let me.

omg! i don't know what to do anymore! geez. i have to talk to them. it's so hard for me. seriously. i am so scared. oh! i am going to tell him on thursday. how am i supposed to do it? any suggestions? ergh! jed is annoying! but eyah! he has tape on his glasses. but whatever. it's all good. heh! but dude! ergh.

quote: yes. i like boys.

wow mommy! i haven't been on this thing for a while. yay! i did it! i am so proud of myself. grr. i was scared out of my mind! life is so freakin hard! it sucks so much! i hate biology and english. grr! bad stuff. meng! i am going to fail the stupud english test! seriously! i don't know how to study for that stupid test. i mean, how do you? is there some secret thing that you have to do to get an A in that class? oh! but i got a pretty good grade for geometry. my grade went up! i am so happy! i hope that i can get it up to at least an A-. I do, then it will be soooooo cool! i need to work harder man! ok. i hate being lied to. it really sucks. it hurts even more when you get lied to by someone that you trust and care about and you think that they would never lie to you. it's hard! man! it still hurts when its just a small thing too. it can be a little thing but still, it hurts. so please, don't lie to me. i don't want to get hurt. TV is a bad thing. it's BBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDD! oh well. i still like it. hey! i am getting there! i am so happy right now! i mean i am happy with him! really. i am. omg. i am getting there. really. i can't wait until i get there. i think that they are there already. briggitte said that they were OR they think that they are. but that's still closer than where i am.

quote: if i don't say that i love you, don't think that i don't love you... i'm just not ready to tell you that i do.

briggitte's quineanera was pretty fun. BRIGGITTE LOOKED SOOO BEAUTIFUL!!! omg. all of them looked pretty. yay! it was pretty cool. there was so much food. man! i got full! STRAWBERRIES! haha! funny stuff. omg. when other people were walking down the aisle and all of that other stuff, i got worried again. geez. i am such a retarded little person! it is not even funny. i can't help it. argh! i hate piano! it pisses me off! i thought that it was supposed to be fun. but my mom isn't helping! grr. i'm mad!

quote: irony can be deceiving.

ay naku! this isn't supposed to be getting to me. why is it getting to me? there is something wrong with me! i swear! it was back then. what do i have to worry about. it's just that what he said to her. i mean wow! what if that person still does. and what if that person is going to say the same thing to me as the other other person? omg! i'm stressing about this stupid thing! when she told me those things, they were funny... but it just made me think. i'm not the first. and i guess that it kind of bugs. but why? i mean ugh! am i getting jealous? wtf. aww crap. i need time to think. i need space to breathe. omg. i'm going to cry! what am i supposed to think? i mean what the other person said to the other other person before "they left from each other" is really scary. i mean the other other person has another person and so does the other person. but it's just too scary. i need a break. wait. breaks are bad. i need a break but not a real break. just a break all by myself.

quote: all guys are dogs.. just some more than others. all girls are bitches.. just some more than others.

HAPPY 5 MONTH ANNIVERSARY!!! i really don't know what i am supposed to write. chris wrote me a letter. that is so weird! the commercials for ikea are so funny! that one with the old people who are trying to talk all ghetto and "gettin their groove on." but it's so nasty when there is this old lady and two old men are all up on her and dancing. EEEWWW! so sick! i swear! and the ikea commercials are funny! that old guy cracks me up like a cracker! heh! some guys can be real DICKS! seriously. grr. whatever. i won't let it piss me off too much today. crud! i still have to make posters! i don't want to! boo! yugi-oh is and odd show. i think that is how you spell it. isn't it? well i still watch it. hah stephanie is funny. i don't have much to write about. oh! my irony story is so funny! i have something for six months now! woohoo! since i can't buy something, then i have to make something. and i know the perfect thing. hah! sucks for chris. heh! okies. peace out.

quote: "...why do i allow myself to cry? why do i allow myself to lie? maybe i should just give up and finally say goodbye..." -say goodbye by LyTHiUM

wow! i haven't written in my blog for a while. heh. today was fun! but i am so tired. i took a nap! yay! i'm happy. dudes! i want to sleep over kris' house. grr. but i have other crap. darn it. veggie swear words are funny. lucky mark and them! they got to see joe legaspi! lucky little punks! i wanted to see him. he's so hot! haha! but eyah. you know what i think is the stupidest quote ever? "you laugh because i'm different. i laugh because you're all the same." that quote seriously pisses me off. i mean no one is totally different so don't BS with that crap. ok. that probably made no sense at all. but still. so what. i know what i'm talking about. i don't care if you don't. ha. sucks for you! yay! i get to see a hot guy on sunday!!! guess who it is. it's LANCE! woohoo! omg! i'm happy. recitals are always fun just for that reason. ha! i suck so much. i have a bF and i check out other guys. i know he checks out girls too. eh. YOGURT IS THE BEST! i love YOGURT! yummy yummy stuff. GO YOGURT! jajaja. i know i'm an odd person. crap. i have to play for the little kids on saturday. i don't even know the songs. i am so screwed! grr. playing with ice is fun! my stupid boyfriend put a crap load of ice down my back and down the front of my shirt! heh! it's getting cold. *wink* a girl should know what i'm talking about. it's pretty funny. funny funny stuff.

quote: you're hat is cute, but you're beautiful. -some 30-40 year old guy that was talking to megan. (*molester/rapist*)

911. interesting day. hot day! i can't believe that it has already been a year it doesn't seem like a year. it seems like it just happened a few months ago. but that's just how i feel. TAP testing is finally over! it kind of sucks though because i like how the schedule is. hini bale. but yeah.that was so sick what happened to megan today! that guy was checking her out! go megan! but it is pretty sick just for the fact that the guy was pretty old. if he was our age or something then it would be a compliment. it would be even better if the guy was HOT! i mean hot and our age. yah. that's what i mean. i have been so tired lately. yes! i got jed a present! i should buy that one card that i got for him for myself. yeah! i should. i will! noooo! the hallmark near school is closing! that's not cool man! where am i going to buy my cards? aiya! it's ok. i am going to start my own card company... panda productions. yay!

quote: you cannot have sexual relations with a porcupine. -some stupid law in florida

grr. TAP! i hate it so much! the only things that are good about it are that you get breaks all the time and you get to get out of class early and you don't have to go to all of your regular classes and you get an hour and ten minutes for lunch. woohoo! it's not so bad though. at least it doesn't count for a grade. omg. grand theft auto 3 is so fun! beating up people and stealing their money in that game is so fun! seriously! i just need to learn the controls. ha! i'm a weird person. there is also one other thing that is cool about TAP is that i get to spend time with "my friend." so it's all good and gravy. i need to do lab. crap! oh well. it's ok. i can do it some other time this week. i have 3 more days... i think. he said it was due by the end of this week.. i always have rachel. so yeah. i hate going to school early! there is never anything to do there. grr. i think that is all that i have to say. FILIPINO FESTIVAL WAS SO FUNNY! karate chop a guy... on the NECK! yah! too bad there were no hot guys there. but ace is cute! buy hotnsexykoala is the HOTTEST! hehe! how come the korean people don't know what the friendship bell is? it was were they filmed VR troopers. people have to remember that show! meng! whateverz. i get it now! i know why they call it a quincenera! because QUINCE! 15! yah! get it? get it? yah! i got it! woohoo!

so what do you think?

up til now i thought that i would love someone else... someone sweet... someone talented... someone i could talk to about anything... but now i found you... you are sweet... talented... someone i can talk to... and so much more than what that other person will ever be to me... but now i'm not so sure... i thought you were the one... not the one that may be with me for life... but just the one... i thought you felt the same... but i guess that was just a disguise... something to make me feel a little bit better... something to make me feel not so awkward... i thought you would never hurt me... i guess i was wrong... you don't feel the same as i do... but you fooled me into believing that you did... we are still friends... but it won't be the same... i know you meant well... but do me a favor... just say what's true instead of lying to my face... i still love you... but i know you will probably never love me... but that's ok... because out friendship will see us through...

quote: an ideal friend is someone who is there for you no matter what. but none of us have those types of friends because no one is that unselfish.

yeah. i like that quote. i made it! yay for me! today was ok. i hung out with the guys a lot! yay! it's better than some other things. damn it! i just hate how some people are! seriously. it's like they are trying to seclude you but you try so hard to believe that they are not and that they have a reason behind all that stuff. people can be maarte sometimes. i know I can be A LOT of times. but whatever. it's not all my fault. ok. i am just being maarte because what if the other people are talking about something and i don't want to bother. it's not like i need the attention. i am not maarte for the attention. i am sometimes but not all the time. i CAN be considerate too. geez. fuck! what the hell man! my mom was right! friends aren't always going to be there for you when you need them but family always will. another thing i learned was that maybe the people that you don't think are your friends are actually better friends than the ones that you have been hanging out with. whatever man! all i can do is move on with life... even if it is without those friends.

quote: confusion sucks.

i failed both the biology and geometry tests! =( i'm sad. i was so stressed. i hate being stressed. grr. i was thinking about stuff. i don't know what is happening. i feel like they are not into it. it's weird. i don't want things to "split" or anything. i just want it to be somewhat like last year. i know it won't be because we have "all" changed. it's hard though. it gets me kind of depressed to think about it. it's scary too. what am i supposed to do? am i supposed to say something? but if i do then what do i say? see! this is crap! and school isn't helping either. i think "people" would rather not be around "me" as much. and friends. i don't know anymore. it's all a big blur. BLUR! i don't get to spend much time with "anyone." it sucks because i try to but when i do i am so maarte. grr. i hate that trait! why do i have to be so damn maarte! there is something wrong with me. i swear! maybe tomorrow will be a little bit better...

quote: i ask one thing from you.. please don't take me for granted.

boo! i can't sleep over kevin's house. the weird thing is that i really don't care. i mean i want to be there and all that stuff.. but it's not a big priority of mine at the moment. but it sucks that i can't sleep over. i wanted to watch fear dot com. and those other movies. it's ok. i will just watch it some other time. dudes! i never have anything to talk about in this stupid blog! nothing good or bad ever happens to me that i actually want to write about. dang it! why do people have to be so stupid! others aren't doing anything to them but yet they do all this other stuff to piss that other person off. do you follow? eh. i don't care if you do or not. i know what i am talking about and that is all that matters to me. dang! i got mean over the summer! i have to try to be nice! GET NICER! aahh! it's so hard though! how come everyone else has stuff in their life but my life just seems to... normal. well no one's life is normal but my life just has nothing in it. i have stress. does that count? you know what really gets to me? when people say something and you can't understand it and you ask them to repeat it but then they say "oh it was nothing." that really pisses me off! i mean i do it too. i know i am a hypocrite for saying what i said but it just pisses me off to the extent to where i want to cuss them out! sorry but that is just how i feel. if you feel the same way then just tell me and i will try not to do it to you. i have no patience! seriously. people take too damn long to decide on where to eat or what to do. it is so annoying! gosh. whatever. i hide my feelings and i am pretty good at it. i don't know why. i guess i am just scared of getting hurt. it's hard to trust people. it's hard to let them get close to you. not physically but emotionally and mentally. well it is for me. i can't let people get close to me in that way. it's just to hard. but i have to learn to do that because i will have to one day. but that day hasn't come yet. at least i don't think it has. or has it? crap.

quote: there is a difference between friends and TRUE friends.

it's so boring today! i hate it! there is never anything to do during the weekends. oh well. i don't care. actually, yes i do. SOMEONE TAKE ME OUT SOMEWHERE! grr. i hate being at home and being bored! it is so annoying! grr.. that's all the crap that i have to put. peace out.

quote: somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worth while, so when you're alone, remember it's true: somebody, somewhere is thinking of you.

YAY! HAPPY 4 MONTH ANNIVERSARY!!! yeah. i got him something. (you're not a jerk.) it's so cheesy! but whatever. kevin's house was interesting. ghost of mars is such a dumb movie! swordfish is good though. but i didn't get all of it because all these people kept calling me. wtf? since when do people call me? odd. crud! i still have geometry and biology homework! grr. i don't like school. whoever invented school is ghetto. are we sleeping over kristina's house next week? hey man! my name can fit on dog tags! it's 16 including the space! geez. that's so perfect. gosh. achibooboo! tyler is so cute! awww! someone take me to morning glory! that store is tight! i bought all this stuff there. there are a lot of BLUE stuff there. ((yeah erin! BLUE! woohoo!)) oh yeah! freeway entrance makes sense now. because when you are conforming to something, you enter into a place where everyone is.. like the FREEWAY. or something like that. it's hard to explain. but yeah! but you know what got me mad? it didn't get me mad like "karla mad" but it got me mad.. how they didn't even tell me anything about the vespers that was coming up and i found out when they were already passing out the flyers. that's cheap! i am supposed to be religious-vice and i plan out stuff. but no! they didn't even ask for my help. geez. they gave me less than 24 hours to think of something. that's not cool man! but ading roach really got mad. don't mess with that chick meng. but to be honest, vespers sucked. sorry but it did. i didn't get much out of it. maybe my heart wasn't in it but whatever. i don't know.