am i going to be lonely for the rest of my life?

it is our last night at northern... aww! i can't believe i actually blogged twice on this trip. how weird! there have been a lot of things going on in my mind. i have all these mixed emotions about things. like i want to talk to certain people but i have too much pride to start. i should get passed that but i do not want to deal with it. i have felt so many emotions on this trip. i have been sad, mad, happy, anxious, and sick to my stomach. we went up to twin peaks today and i was so sad. it is better when you have someone to share those kinds of experiences with. ugh...

ok. i am in the guys room and i am fuel to blog. fucking people piss me off! it's my own damn fault for everything.. wel l not everything. i have learned that nothing is ALL my fault.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

one more month of school left. that is one of the few things that gets me through the tough days because i know that i will never have to see them again or feel any of this shit again. i can move on with my life forever and never look back.

today was kind of fun though. i got to walkt around sf and be like a city girl. it was so fun!

WE SHOULD GO TO NEW YORK! it would be so fun! just walk around aimlessly and be stupid. we will be 20 so that means that we cannot drink yet and we won't be tempted to go into clubs. haha! we should! we REALLLY should! and we should watch a musical. two years...

I JUST CAN'T LOOK IT'S KILLING ME AND TAKING CONTROL!
damn it... this northern trip is really fun but there are just some parts that i cannot take. i really wish megan was here. she would know what to do to make me feel a little better. ugh! just one more month.

i was talking to people about long distance relationships and i do not think that they can work unless you have a solid foundation first. but you can't really establish that if you are away from each other. it is not the same to talk to someone on the phone and to talk to them in person. and if you want a long distance relationship to work you cannot just have it start off as one. spending time with that person is important and a foundation cannot be made in just a short amount of time. even if you are friends for a loooong time it does not matter. there is a BIG difference in being someone's friend and being in a relationship with them.

I HATE THIS! I HATE FEELING THIS WAY! SOMEBODY SAVE ME...