so what do you think?

up til now i thought that i would love someone else... someone sweet... someone talented... someone i could talk to about anything... but now i found you... you are sweet... talented... someone i can talk to... and so much more than what that other person will ever be to me... but now i'm not so sure... i thought you were the one... not the one that may be with me for life... but just the one... i thought you felt the same... but i guess that was just a disguise... something to make me feel a little bit better... something to make me feel not so awkward... i thought you would never hurt me... i guess i was wrong... you don't feel the same as i do... but you fooled me into believing that you did... we are still friends... but it won't be the same... i know you meant well... but do me a favor... just say what's true instead of lying to my face... i still love you... but i know you will probably never love me... but that's ok... because out friendship will see us through...

quote: an ideal friend is someone who is there for you no matter what. but none of us have those types of friends because no one is that unselfish.

yeah. i like that quote. i made it! yay for me! today was ok. i hung out with the guys a lot! yay! it's better than some other things. damn it! i just hate how some people are! seriously. it's like they are trying to seclude you but you try so hard to believe that they are not and that they have a reason behind all that stuff. people can be maarte sometimes. i know I can be A LOT of times. but whatever. it's not all my fault. ok. i am just being maarte because what if the other people are talking about something and i don't want to bother. it's not like i need the attention. i am not maarte for the attention. i am sometimes but not all the time. i CAN be considerate too. geez. fuck! what the hell man! my mom was right! friends aren't always going to be there for you when you need them but family always will. another thing i learned was that maybe the people that you don't think are your friends are actually better friends than the ones that you have been hanging out with. whatever man! all i can do is move on with life... even if it is without those friends.

quote: confusion sucks.

i failed both the biology and geometry tests! =( i'm sad. i was so stressed. i hate being stressed. grr. i was thinking about stuff. i don't know what is happening. i feel like they are not into it. it's weird. i don't want things to "split" or anything. i just want it to be somewhat like last year. i know it won't be because we have "all" changed. it's hard though. it gets me kind of depressed to think about it. it's scary too. what am i supposed to do? am i supposed to say something? but if i do then what do i say? see! this is crap! and school isn't helping either. i think "people" would rather not be around "me" as much. and friends. i don't know anymore. it's all a big blur. BLUR! i don't get to spend much time with "anyone." it sucks because i try to but when i do i am so maarte. grr. i hate that trait! why do i have to be so damn maarte! there is something wrong with me. i swear! maybe tomorrow will be a little bit better...