i want you out of my life. this is hard for me to say but i need to do this. i do not know what to believe anymore. you tell me that there is nothing going on. but your words do not match your actions. i am not the only one that sees this. and others also agree with me. but you tell them the same thing you tell me. but i do not know anymore. the first time you told me, i trusted you. then i asked you again but i was not sure if i should trust you. i decided to believe it. maybe i just wanted to believe what i wanted to believe. but if i asked you again now, i know i will not believe you. the little trust i had in you is now gone. i cannot afford to have my heart broken by you again. it will hurt too much. once was enough. but that was not all i got. i know you never deliberately tried to hurt me. but the fact still remains that you did. even if you said that you wanted me back, which i am just stating as a hypothetical situation since i am sure you would never say this, i would not change my mind about wanting you out of my life. you do not deserve me. you had your chance and you blew it. you knew that i still had feelings for you, but you didn’t seem to care. you said that you were sorry that i was in pain. but it does not seem like it. you seem to be sorry because you are the one causing me the pain. if it was anyone else that was causing me pain, i bet you would not even care since it does not have anything to do with you. my heart is far too weak to run for you this long. but you probably don’t care at all. i used to want you in my life so much. but now that desire is long gone. we said that we would “try to be friends.” look how well that turned out. we went from best friends to nothing at all. but now i know i can live without you. i am probably better off because my heart will not longer ache. i am doing this so i can tell you how i feel and move on. i know that we are not in each other’s lives but saying this to you will make it official. i need you to know how i feel and i need to know how you feel. but most importantly, i need to know the truth. if there is anything that you are trying to hide, i need to know. please do not try to spare my feelings. you have not done it anytime lately so why do it now. please tell me the truth. if you cared for me anytime in your life then please tell me the complete and honest truth. i can’t stand being left in the dark, especially while i am getting hurt in the process. so please tell me. but after that i want you out of my life. i need you out of my life.


damn. it hurts. why do these things happen to me? why do i have to feel this way? it is like God said, “ok jennifer. you were happy all freshman year, sophomore year, and most of junior year. now it is time for you to be miserable. i have to balance it out. it would not be fair for you to be happy all the time. ok. here comes the misery.” i know that it is really not like that but that is just how it feels like. maybe this is happening to me so i can be stronger. i am getting stronger. what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger, right? this has been the worst week i have ever had in my life. i can honestly say that. i had so much drama with my friends. so much! then more problems with my nonexistent love life. at least one thing is fixed. but i hate how this hurts so much!

effin. i'm going to get screwed over, for sure! dang it bryan! why did you have to say that? oh well. i should have known it would never work. =/

i have been getting hurt so much lately. before i went to puc i got a paper cut on my finger. and it is in the creases where your fingers bend so every time i bent my finger or something came in contact with it, it would hurt like a mother! then after puc i was taking a shower and i saw two bruises on my leg. i probably got it from puc but i do not know how. then i got a cut from who knows where. and on friday i was “trying to be slick” and a got a splinter on my finger. but the worst injury i got was also the most embarrassing. i went to ozzie’s room to give him a check for northern. when i was opening the door, jessie and kyle were coming. so when i opened it, jessie pushed it back so it would not hit him. and since i am short the door knob hit me on my boob. it hurt so bad! you do not even know the pain! it is probably like when a guy gets kicked in the nuts. but i would not know. after that i was talking to phil. bryan walked in and i told him that i got hit in the boob. at first he thought that phil did it. but when i told him that it was the door knob he started laughing. so did megan. yeah. i know i am short! so what. but now i have a bruise on my boob. it is the worst bruise i have ever gotten in my life. that is not good. cancer! let’s hope that never happens. so much pain.
i hate econ! it is the worst class. all of my other classes are ok. but whenever i walk into econ i feel so much negativity. the class itself is ok. but i guess it is just some of the people that are in there. they remind me of so much crap. and i do not want to deal with it. i feel like certain things are being rubbed in my face. whenever i am in there i always want to leave. it is such a relief when i get out of the room. i hate it so much! i wish i could just switch periods. but i can’t. i need physics and art. having econ third period is the only way i can graduate. fuck! three more months. i just need to keep telling myself that. i hate the effin class!
ok. if a girl likes a boy and the boy knows about it (and possibly, just possibly, he might like her too, which i highly doubt), the girl deserves to either know about his feelings, and he must be very clear and honest about it, or HE SHOULD ASK HER TO JR/SR BANQUET! damn. the girl deserves one night, even if it is just a “fantasy.” it is our freaking senior year! last chance. no turning back. do one or the other! unless you plan to just string them along until who knows when. effin!

(this entry is either going to screw me over or make my day. eh, we‘ll see.)

i have been getting hurt so much lately. before i went to puc i got a paper cut on my finger. and it is in the creases where your fingers bend so every time i bent my finger or something came in contact with it, it would hurt like a mother! then after puc i was taking a shower and i saw two bruises on my leg. i probably got it from puc but i do not know how. then i got a cut from who knows where. and on friday i was “trying to be slick” and a got a splinter on my finger. but the worst injury i got was also the most embarrassing. i went to ozzie’s room to give him a check for northern. when i was opening the door, jessie and kyle were coming. so when i opened it, jessie pushed it back so it would not hit him. and since i am short the door knob hit me on my boob. it hurt so bad! you do not even know the pain! it is probably like when a guy gets kicked in the nuts. but i would not know. after that i was talking to phil. bryan walked in and i told him that i got hit in the boob. at first he thought that phil did it. but when i told him that it was the door knob he started laughing. so did megan. yeah. i know i am short! so what. but now i have a bruise on my boob. it is the worst bruise i have ever gotten in my life. that is not good. cancer! let’s hope that never happens. so much pain.
i hate econ! it is the worst class. all of my other classes are ok. but whenever i walk into econ i feel so much negativity. the class itself is ok. but i guess it is just some of the people that are in there. they remind me of so much crap. and i do not want to deal with it. i feel like certain things are being rubbed in my face. whenever i am in there i always want to leave. it is such a relief when i get out of the room. i hate it so much! i wish i could just switch periods. but i can’t. i need physics and art. having econ third period is the only way i can graduate. fuck! three more months. i just need to keep telling myself that. i hate the effin class!
ok. if a girl likes a boy and the boy knows about it (and possibly, just possibly, he might like her too, which i highly doubt), the girl deserves to either know about his feelings, and he must be very clear and honest about it, or HE SHOULD ASK HER TO JR/SR BANQUET! damn. the girl deserves one night, even if it is just a “fantasy.” it is our freaking senior year! last chance. no turning back. do one or the other! unless you plan to just string them along until who knows when. effin!

(this entry is either going to screw me over or make my day. eh, we‘ll see.)