LettersToYouFinch
can't you see that i wanna be there with open arms? it's empty tonight and i'm all alone. get me through this one. do you notice i'm gone? where do you run to so far away? i want you to know that i miss you, i miss you so. i'm writing again, these letters to you on much i know. but i'm not sleeping and you're not here. the thought stops my heart..
Friday, August 26, 2005
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
goodLIFEfrancisdunnery
^that is an incredibly depressing song! I LOVE IT! (thanks bryan. remember, i like the sad stuff so don't hesitate to tell me about them.)
i have been feeling extra gag-ish lately. i was at khaing's house and she made us watch "a cinderalla story" and i just wanted to throw up. i am definitely not or will ever be a hopeless romantic. us girls were talking about college and relationships, and i think that if i were to be in a relationship in college i would want to make it an open relationship. anything can happen in college. you meet new people and get to know them, and with an open relationship you can explore other option, i guess, but still not miss out or lose that other person. but you have to have very clear boundaries and know what you can and can't do.
i just found out that my cousin left for berkeley. i did not even know she was going there. my family doesn't tell me crap! i didn't even get to say bye. it seems like all of my cousins are going up north some time in their life for something more than just a trip. my cousin is going to berkeley, my other cousin is going for med training, my other cousin to transfer, and i will be in sf to work. yay! SF!! wOOts! but that's not for another five years. ugh! i want to get out of this house! i need my freedom.
but most importantly i need to get my mind off of certain things/emotions/feelings.. =/
WAAAAAAHHHHHH!!
i'm done.
^that is an incredibly depressing song! I LOVE IT! (thanks bryan. remember, i like the sad stuff so don't hesitate to tell me about them.)
i have been feeling extra gag-ish lately. i was at khaing's house and she made us watch "a cinderalla story" and i just wanted to throw up. i am definitely not or will ever be a hopeless romantic. us girls were talking about college and relationships, and i think that if i were to be in a relationship in college i would want to make it an open relationship. anything can happen in college. you meet new people and get to know them, and with an open relationship you can explore other option, i guess, but still not miss out or lose that other person. but you have to have very clear boundaries and know what you can and can't do.
i just found out that my cousin left for berkeley. i did not even know she was going there. my family doesn't tell me crap! i didn't even get to say bye. it seems like all of my cousins are going up north some time in their life for something more than just a trip. my cousin is going to berkeley, my other cousin is going for med training, my other cousin to transfer, and i will be in sf to work. yay! SF!! wOOts! but that's not for another five years. ugh! i want to get out of this house! i need my freedom.
but most importantly i need to get my mind off of certain things/emotions/feelings.. =/
WAAAAAAHHHHHH!!
i'm done.
Friday, August 19, 2005
"hey, it's cyclops from x-men."
i got my license. i did not really care until i realized i got it before gian. that is the only thing that is making me happy about it. whee. after i got home i went to megan's house to hang out with bryan and megan. we cooked pasta, actually megan cooked it, and baked cookies. but the cookies were overcooked and got really hard. it was so sad. but we went outside and had a cookie fight. megan threw one on my left boob. it hurt!! then we threw some cookies over her wall and into the street. we watched "the notebook" but stopped it at 8 so we could watch "so you think you can dance." megan got really into it. some of the people on that show are hilarious! after the show we went back to watching the movie. i love "the notebook." it is so sad. =( aww.. this was the last time support group will hang out until november, at least. =/
i have been wondering about friendships and the future a lot lately. how many of the friends you have now will be your friends in the next five years? i mean like they are actually in your daily life. only jenelyn and kristina are the only two people i know will be there in the next five years. that is really sad. i know that i am going to drift from people. it is bound to happen. but how many of those people can you drift from but when you see them again it is like you guys missed a day? how many friends can you still have those deep conversations with and be completely honest with without feeling like if you are honest then your friendship will not be the same? and then there are those people that you were really good friends with but something happened or you drifted but now you want to be friends but it seems like you can't since you are going to different colleges and you do not know how to even begin talking to them again. ok. i'm done. this is depressing me.
i got my license. i did not really care until i realized i got it before gian. that is the only thing that is making me happy about it. whee. after i got home i went to megan's house to hang out with bryan and megan. we cooked pasta, actually megan cooked it, and baked cookies. but the cookies were overcooked and got really hard. it was so sad. but we went outside and had a cookie fight. megan threw one on my left boob. it hurt!! then we threw some cookies over her wall and into the street. we watched "the notebook" but stopped it at 8 so we could watch "so you think you can dance." megan got really into it. some of the people on that show are hilarious! after the show we went back to watching the movie. i love "the notebook." it is so sad. =( aww.. this was the last time support group will hang out until november, at least. =/
i have been wondering about friendships and the future a lot lately. how many of the friends you have now will be your friends in the next five years? i mean like they are actually in your daily life. only jenelyn and kristina are the only two people i know will be there in the next five years. that is really sad. i know that i am going to drift from people. it is bound to happen. but how many of those people can you drift from but when you see them again it is like you guys missed a day? how many friends can you still have those deep conversations with and be completely honest with without feeling like if you are honest then your friendship will not be the same? and then there are those people that you were really good friends with but something happened or you drifted but now you want to be friends but it seems like you can't since you are going to different colleges and you do not know how to even begin talking to them again. ok. i'm done. this is depressing me.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
"my humps, my humps, my humps, my humps, my lovely lady humps." blackeyedpeas
this weekend was soo much fun! after church jen and i went to the mall becaus she had to get khaing's present and buy something to wear for tonight. we ended up staying there longer than we should have. jen bought a lot of clothes but they were really cheap. i got three necklaces and a top. charlotte russe has really good sales! we went to to pick up laura at her church and headed to khaing's house. khaing was rushing because we had to get to the "restaurant." it took us forever to get there and the damn road rage drivers did not help at all. khaing said that we had to park in the hotel area and we would walk to the restaurant. after, khaing told us that we were not really eating at a restaurant and that her surpirse for us was that she bought a hotel room for the night. i found out on wednesday when steph told me. she did not khow she was supposed to keep it a secret. we got up to our hotel and looked around. it was so big and cool! they did not have a lock on the mini bar.. OoOoo.. we told everyone that was coming that the restaurant was in the hotel. but when they got there we took them to the room and SURPRISE! we wanted to go get some food so we went out for a while. it was so traffic so we went back to the hotel. while we were pulling into the vallet we saw rihanna! we were bound to see someone famous. we all got ready to go CLUBBIN! khaing was stressed out because there were parking issues and people were getting lost and coming late. we finally got to club dv8. there were not too many people when we got in. at first we all sat down in a booth but eventually khaing got us to dance. i did not like a lot of the music they played that night. after about an hour of dancing my butt started to hurt. we orderd some water from the waitress and all the girls were looking at her boobs. they were up and together! i want her boobs.. i was dancing with the girls and then ryan austin comes and starts dancing with me. then ryan cawin comes and starts dancing with me. all of a sudden this random guy starts dacning with me. i guess he thought that ryan and ryan were just some random guys too. i gave him a look and he left. it was so weird! i had another encounter with this other guy but i do not know how to explain it. but there was this other guy that was dancing with khaing and byron saved her from him. then he went around to erin but she went away. then he went to jen and she just yelled "NO! OH NO!" and ran away. it was so funny! i got molested by khaing. haha! we stayed until the club closed and went to denny's. there was drama about denny's or ihop and the girls that marvin and ryan met. on our way to denny's we were making a left turn and this stupid xterra almost rammed into us. we think he was drunk. joanna and steph met us there. i had such a headache beecause i did not eat for 14 hours. i was so hungry that i started acting crazy. but then we all acted like retards so it was not so bad. we got back to the hotel at around 3:35 am. khaing opened her presents. kris, chan, and santos got her this really but ball-like stuffed animal hamster. it was so cute! then we all just sat and talked and blah. marvin brought some tequilla and vodka and some people took shots. steph really wanted to see me do it. heehee.. i fell asleep around 7:30 am and woke up at 10 am. not much sleep. we all got ready to leave. after some people left, khaing came across some of her own drama. on the ride back to khaing's house jen, rach, and i listened to khaing get mad. it was scary and funny at the same time. we brought rachel to her house and we stayed there for a little while. jen, khaing, and rachel were all venting about all their boy problems. i felt kind of out of the loop because i had nothing to say. we decided to go on a starbucks run to talk about more boy issues but ended up eating at bj's. after everyone shared their issues they all started piling on all these questions for me to answer. i felt cornered. they asked me this one question but i kind of felt like i lied a little. we brought rachel home and i went home. i am so tired of dancing!!
this weekend was soo much fun! after church jen and i went to the mall becaus she had to get khaing's present and buy something to wear for tonight. we ended up staying there longer than we should have. jen bought a lot of clothes but they were really cheap. i got three necklaces and a top. charlotte russe has really good sales! we went to to pick up laura at her church and headed to khaing's house. khaing was rushing because we had to get to the "restaurant." it took us forever to get there and the damn road rage drivers did not help at all. khaing said that we had to park in the hotel area and we would walk to the restaurant. after, khaing told us that we were not really eating at a restaurant and that her surpirse for us was that she bought a hotel room for the night. i found out on wednesday when steph told me. she did not khow she was supposed to keep it a secret. we got up to our hotel and looked around. it was so big and cool! they did not have a lock on the mini bar.. OoOoo.. we told everyone that was coming that the restaurant was in the hotel. but when they got there we took them to the room and SURPRISE! we wanted to go get some food so we went out for a while. it was so traffic so we went back to the hotel. while we were pulling into the vallet we saw rihanna! we were bound to see someone famous. we all got ready to go CLUBBIN! khaing was stressed out because there were parking issues and people were getting lost and coming late. we finally got to club dv8. there were not too many people when we got in. at first we all sat down in a booth but eventually khaing got us to dance. i did not like a lot of the music they played that night. after about an hour of dancing my butt started to hurt. we orderd some water from the waitress and all the girls were looking at her boobs. they were up and together! i want her boobs.. i was dancing with the girls and then ryan austin comes and starts dancing with me. then ryan cawin comes and starts dancing with me. all of a sudden this random guy starts dacning with me. i guess he thought that ryan and ryan were just some random guys too. i gave him a look and he left. it was so weird! i had another encounter with this other guy but i do not know how to explain it. but there was this other guy that was dancing with khaing and byron saved her from him. then he went around to erin but she went away. then he went to jen and she just yelled "NO! OH NO!" and ran away. it was so funny! i got molested by khaing. haha! we stayed until the club closed and went to denny's. there was drama about denny's or ihop and the girls that marvin and ryan met. on our way to denny's we were making a left turn and this stupid xterra almost rammed into us. we think he was drunk. joanna and steph met us there. i had such a headache beecause i did not eat for 14 hours. i was so hungry that i started acting crazy. but then we all acted like retards so it was not so bad. we got back to the hotel at around 3:35 am. khaing opened her presents. kris, chan, and santos got her this really but ball-like stuffed animal hamster. it was so cute! then we all just sat and talked and blah. marvin brought some tequilla and vodka and some people took shots. steph really wanted to see me do it. heehee.. i fell asleep around 7:30 am and woke up at 10 am. not much sleep. we all got ready to leave. after some people left, khaing came across some of her own drama. on the ride back to khaing's house jen, rach, and i listened to khaing get mad. it was scary and funny at the same time. we brought rachel to her house and we stayed there for a little while. jen, khaing, and rachel were all venting about all their boy problems. i felt kind of out of the loop because i had nothing to say. we decided to go on a starbucks run to talk about more boy issues but ended up eating at bj's. after everyone shared their issues they all started piling on all these questions for me to answer. i felt cornered. they asked me this one question but i kind of felt like i lied a little. we brought rachel home and i went home. i am so tired of dancing!!
your bitter goodbye is ringing through this quiet night. this idle hour just wont pass. ive never missed you this much, never thought i would. didnt think youd feel so far away.. i miss our midnight rides on highway 18, 18 is gone. so go past the lights and all the excuses. you could have left "sincerely yours." dont you think it's obvious that i want to say more? cause anything too daring to say to you will be said in this letter, then burned away. so you never realize, im here. im thinking of your vague reply so i can understand why we put this at rest, why we forget to say that we were leaving, say that we were sorry. the past remains unspoken as this vacant night is dying.. this cold air brings such a distance to us such a painful distance. im still waiting for you to say you hate me now, so i dont have to hold on to this burning heart. this burning heart is getting old.
MIDNIGHThighwayDAPHNElovesDERBY
MIDNIGHThighwayDAPHNElovesDERBY
Sunday, August 07, 2005
"i'm a bastard!" -kevin deoso
friend drama is funny. all the drama going on is finally out in the open. people hold some weird grudges for a long time! i'm sure it's not over but at least everyone knows what's going on. I HAD SUSHI!! kabuki has good calamari stuffed eggplant. yum! and tempura california rolls rock! their banana tempura with green tea ice cream and caramel is really good! gian thought our waitress was got. "the waitress what hot!!" then the guys went to pc bang while kristina and i went to blockbuster to rent a movie that we did not even get to watch. we went to buy mochi at trader joe's. the green tea was not very good. it tastes like the ginger wasabi ice cream they have at cold stones. we went to dennis' house to play ping pong. dennis and kristina are cute together but.. GAG! haha. i want to go back sy's house and play badminton, air hockey, and pool. =)
friend drama is funny. all the drama going on is finally out in the open. people hold some weird grudges for a long time! i'm sure it's not over but at least everyone knows what's going on. I HAD SUSHI!! kabuki has good calamari stuffed eggplant. yum! and tempura california rolls rock! their banana tempura with green tea ice cream and caramel is really good! gian thought our waitress was got. "the waitress what hot!!" then the guys went to pc bang while kristina and i went to blockbuster to rent a movie that we did not even get to watch. we went to buy mochi at trader joe's. the green tea was not very good. it tastes like the ginger wasabi ice cream they have at cold stones. we went to dennis' house to play ping pong. dennis and kristina are cute together but.. GAG! haha. i want to go back sy's house and play badminton, air hockey, and pool. =)
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
i am thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned. i would like to speculate that God himself did make us into corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the clay. and true, it may seem like a stretch, but its thoughts like this that catch my troubled head when you're away and i am missing you to death when you are out there on the road for several weeks of shows and when you scan the radio, i hope this song will guide you home. they will see us waving from such great heights, "come down now, "they'll say. but everything looks perfect from far away,"come down now," but we'll stay... i tried my best to leave this all on your machine but the persistent beat it sounded thin upon listening and that frankly will not fly, you will hear the shrillest highs and lowest lows with the windows down when this is guiding you home.
such great heightspostalservice
such great heightspostalservice
Saturday, July 16, 2005
you say that loves goes anywhere
in your darkest time
it's just enough to know it's there
when you go i'll let you be
but you're killing everything in me
polaris jimmy eat world
all you need is love is a lie cause
we had love but we still said goodbye
now we're tired, battered fighters
and it stings when it's nobody's fault
cause there's nothing to blame at the drop of your name
it's only the air you took and the breath you left
split screen sadness john mayer
you can find me
if you ever want again
i'll be around the bend
and if you never stop when you wave goodbye
you just might find if you give it time you will wave hello again
and that's the way this wheel keeps working now
i believe that my life's gonna see
the love i give returned to me
wheel john mayer
i tried my best, i gave my all
sometimes my best wasn't
good enough for you
sometimes i let you go
sometimes i hurt you so
i know that i can be
the meanest person in the world
so i apologize to you
and to anyone else that i hurt too
i may not be the perfect soul
but i can learn self-control
so pardon me, pardon me,
pardon me my friend
there's not one else to blame
for all the broken hearts
are scattered on the field of war
pardon me weezer
when everything is wrong
i come talk to you
you make things alright
when i'm feelin' blue
you are such a blessing
and i won't be messing
with the one thing that
brings light to all my darkness
you're my best friend
and i love you
and i love you
yes i do
there is no other one
who can take your place
i feel happy inside
when i see your face
i hope you believe me
cause i speak sincerely
and i mean it when i tell you
that i need you
i'm here right beside you
i'll never leave you
and i feel the pain you feel
when you start crying
my best friend weezer
music is great.
in your darkest time
it's just enough to know it's there
when you go i'll let you be
but you're killing everything in me
polaris jimmy eat world
all you need is love is a lie cause
we had love but we still said goodbye
now we're tired, battered fighters
and it stings when it's nobody's fault
cause there's nothing to blame at the drop of your name
it's only the air you took and the breath you left
split screen sadness john mayer
you can find me
if you ever want again
i'll be around the bend
and if you never stop when you wave goodbye
you just might find if you give it time you will wave hello again
and that's the way this wheel keeps working now
i believe that my life's gonna see
the love i give returned to me
wheel john mayer
i tried my best, i gave my all
sometimes my best wasn't
good enough for you
sometimes i let you go
sometimes i hurt you so
i know that i can be
the meanest person in the world
so i apologize to you
and to anyone else that i hurt too
i may not be the perfect soul
but i can learn self-control
so pardon me, pardon me,
pardon me my friend
there's not one else to blame
for all the broken hearts
are scattered on the field of war
pardon me weezer
when everything is wrong
i come talk to you
you make things alright
when i'm feelin' blue
you are such a blessing
and i won't be messing
with the one thing that
brings light to all my darkness
you're my best friend
and i love you
and i love you
yes i do
there is no other one
who can take your place
i feel happy inside
when i see your face
i hope you believe me
cause i speak sincerely
and i mean it when i tell you
that i need you
i'm here right beside you
i'll never leave you
and i feel the pain you feel
when you start crying
my best friend weezer
music is great.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
i took the temperament test and i am definitely PHLEGMATIC!
my only hope is letting go.
and with you i am truly in my element..
what's best is not right.
..we were both selfish, but i think i was more. and i would like to thank you for showing me a part of myself that i have never seen. we were young and dumb but it still was fun. i guess these things just tend to fall apart. and i hope you feel the same. and i would like to thank you for showing me a part of the world that i have never seen. i was young and i dumb but it still was fun, and forever indebted to you. you seemed like such a big part of my life and my heart..
this weekend was fun. i went out with steph on saturday. it was such a random and spontaneous day.. it was like "you wann go to the grove?" "ok." "let's go to ross" "cool. sure." "hey do you want to go to santa monica?" "YA!" "so how do we get there?" good times. then i went out with bryan and megan on sunday. we went to the grove and watched a lot like love. it reminded me a lot of school people. then we went to 3rd street promanade in santa monica. after we rode the ferris wheel on the pier. megan was freaked out! then we drove around FOREVER trying to find a place to eat. we ended up going to the olive garden in glendale. good times..
my only hope is letting go.
and with you i am truly in my element..
what's best is not right.
..we were both selfish, but i think i was more. and i would like to thank you for showing me a part of myself that i have never seen. we were young and dumb but it still was fun. i guess these things just tend to fall apart. and i hope you feel the same. and i would like to thank you for showing me a part of the world that i have never seen. i was young and i dumb but it still was fun, and forever indebted to you. you seemed like such a big part of my life and my heart..
this weekend was fun. i went out with steph on saturday. it was such a random and spontaneous day.. it was like "you wann go to the grove?" "ok." "let's go to ross" "cool. sure." "hey do you want to go to santa monica?" "YA!" "so how do we get there?" good times. then i went out with bryan and megan on sunday. we went to the grove and watched a lot like love. it reminded me a lot of school people. then we went to 3rd street promanade in santa monica. after we rode the ferris wheel on the pier. megan was freaked out! then we drove around FOREVER trying to find a place to eat. we ended up going to the olive garden in glendale. good times..
Thursday, May 05, 2005
i finally realized that you were never meant for me.
damn. daphne loves derby has such depressing lyrics! but i love it so.
we got ohno's two days in a row! and today's was free because the people screwed up our order yesterday. so yummy! freshman are so much fun! victor can do the ocho ocho soo well! he is in the adobo group with dana and dan and he even has his own little ube shake. ncie. and andrew has the halo halo shake. they are so funny! i am glad i am in this advisee. they crack me up!! =D
picnic is going to suck because we are not going to win anything! all of the people that do participate can't even go! what crap! stupid senior year! but i am really looking forward to grad nite. PAR-TAY!
damn. daphne loves derby has such depressing lyrics! but i love it so.
we got ohno's two days in a row! and today's was free because the people screwed up our order yesterday. so yummy! freshman are so much fun! victor can do the ocho ocho soo well! he is in the adobo group with dana and dan and he even has his own little ube shake. ncie. and andrew has the halo halo shake. they are so funny! i am glad i am in this advisee. they crack me up!! =D
picnic is going to suck because we are not going to win anything! all of the people that do participate can't even go! what crap! stupid senior year! but i am really looking forward to grad nite. PAR-TAY!
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
steph (eating a lemon): this is sour!
me: it's a LEMON!
i am at my cousin's house and i am really bored.. so i thought "i should BLOG!" so here i am blogging. but now i have another dilemma.. what to blog? oh! my panda's back! i put it back a long time ago but for some reason i felt like i needed to put that here. i missed it sooo much! it is my favorite panda! it can be a pillow and it is perfect for hugging. and it is not too hard or too soft. so yeah. i got was eating at some chinese restaurant and my fortune said "a refreshing change is in your future." then last friday i got panda express and i got a fortune that said "you will find happiness in mind and heart." well then... we were in art and byron kept singing starting line songs. "PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME WITHOUT SAYING GOOD-BYE!" (i am saying the most random things on this blog!) i was listening to a mix cd that bryan gave (one of the seven gazillion that i have from him!! thanks though!) and now there are a bunch of lyrics stuck in my head. "for all this i'm better off without you." i don't know who sings that or what it is called. i really like this one monica song.. "don't you touch her like you used to touch me... don't you love her like you used to love me." such a sad song! well, graduation is in a month! crap. "here's to the nights we felt alive. here's to the tears you knew you'd cry. here's to good-bye. tomorrow's gonna come too soon." i am going to cry FOR SURE! i just hope that i do not do it while walking at graduation. there are so many people that are being mr. brightside. it seems like that is all everyone is lately.. "this is my devilish jealousy, which i pray God may be false, but it makes a very hell in my mind, which the God of heaven remove, or i shall be very unhappy." samuel pepys is not alone.. even though he lived like 300 years before us. I JUST CAN'T LOOK IT'S KILLING ME AND TAKING CONTROL! i know that i have felt that recently. the last two or three days of northern made me mr. brightside. it really took over wednesday and thursay. but northern was still fun. and the guys room did not smell as bad as last year! then again they had like five air fresheners in there. and damn guys! when girls are in a room puts some pants and a shirt on! freakin a! the last day was pretty cool because we got a lot of time in the city. i know my way around the place so well. i love it! i got to walk around alone and shop and just be by myself. that was fun! i don't know what else to write about northern except that last year was better! haha! BAA '04! we had more free time last year.. that is ozzie's system. bryan has this charlie brown thing and there is one panel that reminds me of me. it is like this one girl talking to this boy and asking if he is basically better than charlie brown. and he is but she does not understand why she like charlie brown more. it's like that song.. kind of. "he's everything you want. he's everything you need. he's everything inside of you that you wish you could be. he says all the right things at exactly the right time but he means nothing to you and you don't know why. you're waiting for someone to put you together. you're waiting for someone to push you away. there's always another wound to discover. there's always something more you wish he'd say." haha! sorry bryan.. but it's not like it matters anyway. i guess that is all. peace out, yo!
me: it's a LEMON!
i am at my cousin's house and i am really bored.. so i thought "i should BLOG!" so here i am blogging. but now i have another dilemma.. what to blog? oh! my panda's back! i put it back a long time ago but for some reason i felt like i needed to put that here. i missed it sooo much! it is my favorite panda! it can be a pillow and it is perfect for hugging. and it is not too hard or too soft. so yeah. i got was eating at some chinese restaurant and my fortune said "a refreshing change is in your future." then last friday i got panda express and i got a fortune that said "you will find happiness in mind and heart." well then... we were in art and byron kept singing starting line songs. "PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME WITHOUT SAYING GOOD-BYE!" (i am saying the most random things on this blog!) i was listening to a mix cd that bryan gave (one of the seven gazillion that i have from him!! thanks though!) and now there are a bunch of lyrics stuck in my head. "for all this i'm better off without you." i don't know who sings that or what it is called. i really like this one monica song.. "don't you touch her like you used to touch me... don't you love her like you used to love me." such a sad song! well, graduation is in a month! crap. "here's to the nights we felt alive. here's to the tears you knew you'd cry. here's to good-bye. tomorrow's gonna come too soon." i am going to cry FOR SURE! i just hope that i do not do it while walking at graduation. there are so many people that are being mr. brightside. it seems like that is all everyone is lately.. "this is my devilish jealousy, which i pray God may be false, but it makes a very hell in my mind, which the God of heaven remove, or i shall be very unhappy." samuel pepys is not alone.. even though he lived like 300 years before us. I JUST CAN'T LOOK IT'S KILLING ME AND TAKING CONTROL! i know that i have felt that recently. the last two or three days of northern made me mr. brightside. it really took over wednesday and thursay. but northern was still fun. and the guys room did not smell as bad as last year! then again they had like five air fresheners in there. and damn guys! when girls are in a room puts some pants and a shirt on! freakin a! the last day was pretty cool because we got a lot of time in the city. i know my way around the place so well. i love it! i got to walk around alone and shop and just be by myself. that was fun! i don't know what else to write about northern except that last year was better! haha! BAA '04! we had more free time last year.. that is ozzie's system. bryan has this charlie brown thing and there is one panel that reminds me of me. it is like this one girl talking to this boy and asking if he is basically better than charlie brown. and he is but she does not understand why she like charlie brown more. it's like that song.. kind of. "he's everything you want. he's everything you need. he's everything inside of you that you wish you could be. he says all the right things at exactly the right time but he means nothing to you and you don't know why. you're waiting for someone to put you together. you're waiting for someone to push you away. there's always another wound to discover. there's always something more you wish he'd say." haha! sorry bryan.. but it's not like it matters anyway. i guess that is all. peace out, yo!
Friday, April 29, 2005
it is our last night at northern... aww! i can't believe i actually blogged twice on this trip. how weird! there have been a lot of things going on in my mind. i have all these mixed emotions about things. like i want to talk to certain people but i have too much pride to start. i should get passed that but i do not want to deal with it. i have felt so many emotions on this trip. i have been sad, mad, happy, anxious, and sick to my stomach. we went up to twin peaks today and i was so sad. it is better when you have someone to share those kinds of experiences with. ugh...
ok. i am in the guys room and i am fuel to blog. fucking people piss me off! it's my own damn fault for everything.. wel l not everything. i have learned that nothing is ALL my fault.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
one more month of school left. that is one of the few things that gets me through the tough days because i know that i will never have to see them again or feel any of this shit again. i can move on with my life forever and never look back.
today was kind of fun though. i got to walkt around sf and be like a city girl. it was so fun!
WE SHOULD GO TO NEW YORK! it would be so fun! just walk around aimlessly and be stupid. we will be 20 so that means that we cannot drink yet and we won't be tempted to go into clubs. haha! we should! we REALLLY should! and we should watch a musical. two years...
ok. i am in the guys room and i am fuel to blog. fucking people piss me off! it's my own damn fault for everything.. wel l not everything. i have learned that nothing is ALL my fault.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
one more month of school left. that is one of the few things that gets me through the tough days because i know that i will never have to see them again or feel any of this shit again. i can move on with my life forever and never look back.
today was kind of fun though. i got to walkt around sf and be like a city girl. it was so fun!
WE SHOULD GO TO NEW YORK! it would be so fun! just walk around aimlessly and be stupid. we will be 20 so that means that we cannot drink yet and we won't be tempted to go into clubs. haha! we should! we REALLLY should! and we should watch a musical. two years...
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
I JUST CAN'T LOOK IT'S KILLING ME AND TAKING CONTROL!
damn it... this northern trip is really fun but there are just some parts that i cannot take. i really wish megan was here. she would know what to do to make me feel a little better. ugh! just one more month.
i was talking to people about long distance relationships and i do not think that they can work unless you have a solid foundation first. but you can't really establish that if you are away from each other. it is not the same to talk to someone on the phone and to talk to them in person. and if you want a long distance relationship to work you cannot just have it start off as one. spending time with that person is important and a foundation cannot be made in just a short amount of time. even if you are friends for a loooong time it does not matter. there is a BIG difference in being someone's friend and being in a relationship with them.
I HATE THIS! I HATE FEELING THIS WAY! SOMEBODY SAVE ME...
damn it... this northern trip is really fun but there are just some parts that i cannot take. i really wish megan was here. she would know what to do to make me feel a little better. ugh! just one more month.
i was talking to people about long distance relationships and i do not think that they can work unless you have a solid foundation first. but you can't really establish that if you are away from each other. it is not the same to talk to someone on the phone and to talk to them in person. and if you want a long distance relationship to work you cannot just have it start off as one. spending time with that person is important and a foundation cannot be made in just a short amount of time. even if you are friends for a loooong time it does not matter. there is a BIG difference in being someone's friend and being in a relationship with them.
I HATE THIS! I HATE FEELING THIS WAY! SOMEBODY SAVE ME...
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