i want you out of my life. this is hard for me to say but i need to do this. i do not know what to believe anymore. you tell me that there is nothing going on. but your words do not match your actions. i am not the only one that sees this. and others also agree with me. but you tell them the same thing you tell me. but i do not know anymore. the first time you told me, i trusted you. then i asked you again but i was not sure if i should trust you. i decided to believe it. maybe i just wanted to believe what i wanted to believe. but if i asked you again now, i know i will not believe you. the little trust i had in you is now gone. i cannot afford to have my heart broken by you again. it will hurt too much. once was enough. but that was not all i got. i know you never deliberately tried to hurt me. but the fact still remains that you did. even if you said that you wanted me back, which i am just stating as a hypothetical situation since i am sure you would never say this, i would not change my mind about wanting you out of my life. you do not deserve me. you had your chance and you blew it. you knew that i still had feelings for you, but you didn’t seem to care. you said that you were sorry that i was in pain. but it does not seem like it. you seem to be sorry because you are the one causing me the pain. if it was anyone else that was causing me pain, i bet you would not even care since it does not have anything to do with you. my heart is far too weak to run for you this long. but you probably don’t care at all. i used to want you in my life so much. but now that desire is long gone. we said that we would “try to be friends.” look how well that turned out. we went from best friends to nothing at all. but now i know i can live without you. i am probably better off because my heart will not longer ache. i am doing this so i can tell you how i feel and move on. i know that we are not in each other’s lives but saying this to you will make it official. i need you to know how i feel and i need to know how you feel. but most importantly, i need to know the truth. if there is anything that you are trying to hide, i need to know. please do not try to spare my feelings. you have not done it anytime lately so why do it now. please tell me the truth. if you cared for me anytime in your life then please tell me the complete and honest truth. i can’t stand being left in the dark, especially while i am getting hurt in the process. so please tell me. but after that i want you out of my life. i need you out of my life.


damn. it hurts. why do these things happen to me? why do i have to feel this way? it is like God said, “ok jennifer. you were happy all freshman year, sophomore year, and most of junior year. now it is time for you to be miserable. i have to balance it out. it would not be fair for you to be happy all the time. ok. here comes the misery.” i know that it is really not like that but that is just how it feels like. maybe this is happening to me so i can be stronger. i am getting stronger. what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger, right? this has been the worst week i have ever had in my life. i can honestly say that. i had so much drama with my friends. so much! then more problems with my nonexistent love life. at least one thing is fixed. but i hate how this hurts so much!