i don’t care. i shall wear my heart on my sleeve. or my blog. whatever. i am tired of having feelings for someone when i know that it will and can never happen. you see them everyday and you know you shouldn’t be thinking certain things. but “some of us prefer illusion to despair.” (i like referring to bryan’s blog.) i have to stop myself from thinking that it could, might, will. NO! it won’t! i really need a slap on the face (and not from megan) so i can just stop. i know it will NEVER happen. i just want it to stop COMPLETELY. i am tired. i can’t take it anymore. i do not want to worry anymore. hearts heal, don’t they? four months of school left. maybe then... i can’t believe i am actually considering going to PUC. when i went up there i felt really comfortable. i am not usually like that. maybe i am just “coming out of my shell.” but it was so much fun! especially when it was just me and megan at the dorm. if we roomed together it would be so fun! but i do not know. day after day i am considering it more and more. i wish that i could take LSU’s nursing program and put it at PUC. then i would go there for sure! but the chance of that happening is zero. =( i will just have to choose then. this is so hard! i have a roommate for LSU already. but i love PUC. I LOVE YOU ANGWIN! haha. it is so beautiful up there. if i go to LSU i can visit bryan at PUC and we can eat at giunis. he promised. this is so hard! i really do not know what school to go to. i went to PUC college days so i could miss school. i never thought i would actually like it up there! waa! i am in a pickle. i don’t want to grow up. PUC? LSU? help.

partyboybryan87: i'm watching scrubs
xxji2z3n1ferxx: gay!
partyboybryan87: and turk and carla picked a date for their wedding
partyboybryan87: april 24th

oh yeah. we are leaving on april 24, 2005 for northern. great.

everything reminds me...