Mo money mo problems

For the past three weeks I have been working 60 hour weeks to help implement a new computer program at work. Yes, the paycheck is nice, but it leaves me very little time to enjoy my hard earned money. OK maybe it's not so "hard earned" considering that all I do is sit on my ass play games, read (I read 5 books in Feb), and go on Facebook. Since I have been making a little more cash and have all this work time to comb the internet for financial advice, I found myself thinking about buying a house. Jennifer, homeowner. Yeah, that has a nice ring to it. But as I read through the endless articles directed towards first time home buyers, it made me more and more discouraged. Even with interest rates and house prices at an all time low it seems like I can't afford a house on just my salary alone. I could probably afford a house if I were only paying for the mortgage, but I also have to take into account homeowner's insurance, property tax, etc. That's an additional $200-$400 a month. Crap. It seems like the only way I can afford a house is if I get married so there will be additional income in the household. But I probably shouldn't get married just so I can get a tax break, right?

I am an American.

Occasionally I'll get an urge to buy something, anything, for no reason whatsoever. I had this overwhelming feeling last week. It got me thinking as to why I, and many of my friends and family, get this urge to purchase items that we convince ourselves are necessary when in fact we would be just as happy without them. The answer was so simple: American consumersim. The American culture has conditioned us to buy buy buy. Every day there are hundreds of ads that charge our senses and try to convince us to buy a particular product. And somehow, a little bit of that advertisement seeps into our brains which cause us to want. I have family and friends in other parts of the world, and they don't get the same shopping urge like Americans do. I'm not complaining about the fact that I randomly want things for no reason and that American consumerism is so deeply embedded into my subconscious. Hey, if I have the expendable income that can afford me the luxury of buying what I want and at the same time help boost the economy, I'm all for it. But I do not condone purchasing items you don't need, putting it on your credit card, and piling mounds of debt. Now that's not helping anyone.

2011, eh.

Am I the only one who doesn't feel like 2011 is going to be their year? Everyone around me seems to feel that 2011 is going to be a great year. As for me, it seems like it's just going to be mediocre. Nothing special, just another year. I suppose it's because I felt like 2010 was my year, which it was for the most part. Can someone have their year two years in a row?

Anyhow, I'll revert back to the good ol' high school days and put up an end of the year survey. =)

DID YOU DO SOMETHING YOU WOULD NEVER DO?
Not really.

DID YOU KEEP ANY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS?
Nope. FAIL!

DID ANYONE CLOSE TO YOU GIVE BIRTH?
No, but in 2011 that will change =)

DID ANYONE CLOSE TO YOU DIE?
Yes

DID YOU VISIT ANY COUNTRIES?
No =(

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE IN 2011 THAT YOU LACKED IN 2010?
Less loans

WILL ANY DATE IN 2010 STAY ETCHED IN YOUR MEMORY FOREVER?
August 2, 2010, first day at my first real job =)

WHAT WAS YOUR BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT IN 2010?
Graduating college and getting a job

WHAT WAS YOUR BIGGEST FAILURE?
spending too much money on unnecessary things

DID YOU SUFFER ILLNESS OR INJURY?
Nope! Wow, that's a first.

WHAT WAS THE BEST THING YOU BOUGHT IN 2010?
SHOES! (of course)

DID YOUR BEHAVIOR CHANGE OVER THE YEAR?
I think work made me grow a stronger backbone.

WHERE DID YOU SPEND MOST OF YOUR MONEY?
loans =/

ARE YOU HAPPIER THAN THIS TIME LAST YEAR?
I'd say it's equal, although I feel less pressure in all aspects of my life.

WHAT SONG WILL REMIND YOU OF 2010?
some Lady Gaga song

WHAT DO YOU WISH YOU HAD DONE MORE OF?
read and run

WHAT DO YOU WISH YOU HAD DONE LESS OF?
watch tv

WHAT DID YOU DO FOR CHRISTMAS '10?
work, sleep, watch the (pathetic) Laker game, went to McDonald's for Christmas dinner with Jenelyn, work

DID YOU FALL IN LOVE IN 2010?
nope

DID YOU GET YOUR HEART BROKEN IN 2010?
maybe just a bit haha

FAVORITE TV PROGRAM OF '10?
Modern Family & The Big Bang Theory

DO YOU HATE ANYONE NOW THAT YOU DIDN'T HATE THIS TIME LAST YEAR?
I don't hate anyone.

WHAT WAS THE BEST BOOK YOUR READ AND/OR MOVE YOU SAW?
Book: Damn, I wish I read more this year
Movie: Inception

WHAT WAS YOUR GREATEST DISCOVERY?
I have more self control than I give myself credit for.

WHAT DID YOU DO ON YOUR BIRTHDAY AND HOW OLD WERE YOU?
Best. Birthday. Ever. Glen Ivy spa with Khaing, then surprise par-tay!

WHAT WHAT THING WOULD HAVE MADE YOUR YEAR IMMEASURABLY MORE SATISFYING?
no comment

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONAL FASHION CONCEPT OF 2010?
Boring

WHO WAS THE BEST NEW PERSON YOU MET?
tie between Jay, Lisa and Alvin

WHO DID YOU WISH YOU DID NOT MEET?
certain doctors at work

WHO WAS YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Titi Tina, thanks GURL!

WHO WAS YOUR ENEMY?
I don't think I have any

WHO DO YOU MISS?
college friends

WHO WILL YOU NEVER FORGET?
certain PAs at work ;)

TELL US A VALUABLE LIFE LESS YOU LEARNED IN 2010:
?

WHAT WILL YOUR ALWAYS REMEMBER ABOUT 2010?
a bunch of responsibility piled

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO IN '11 THAT YOU COULDN'T IN '10?
move out of the house

ANY RESOLUTIONS?
be more rebellious

ANYTHING YOU WANT TO CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF IN 2011?
be more patient

DO YOU WANT TO MAKE MORE FRIENDS IN 2011?
of course

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes I just want to be left alone! I know myself pretty well, and there are certain things that I am particular about.
1. After work or school, I like about an hour of peace all to myself. No interruptions, no people.
2. Asking me if I've eaten yet is one thing, but telling me to go and eat or that I HAVE TO eat crosses a line for me. I'll eat when I damn well please!
3. It peeves me when I am about to go out and people tell me, "Wear something warmer, it's cold outside." Listen, I know what clothes I need to wear in order for my body temperature to stay at a comfortable level for me. And who knows that better than ME! So quit telling me what to freaking wear, especially if we are comfortable in different climates.
4. I don't like being tickled or any physical contact of that nature. Keep your fucking hands to yourself! I especially hate it when people slap my butt. Slap my butt, and I'll slap your face!
Today I'm just very annoyed and cranky. I'd like to move out and get my own place.

Space

Part of my sanity involves me getting some along time. Unlike some, I cannot constantly be surrounded by people or even one person. I require time to myself, even if I am doing absolutely nothing. This is particularly true after I come home from work. For about 13 hours, I am bombarded with people asking me questions and asking me to do this or that. After a long day it's nice to have no interruptions and space out.
Although with recent familial events, I have temporary lost my peace. I consider myself a fairly flexible person, but there is a limit. It's been some time since I've had real time to myself. I compensate by going out alone, just driving from one random place to the other. It's only a couple hours, but it feels amazing! But it's not quite the same as being able to sit on your own bed, in your own room, thinking about nothing and not be interrupted.
This has made the idea of moving out a more real possibility. A big reason why I am still living at home is because I want to pay off my loans as soon as possible. Also, it's sooooo close to work, I mean like 500 feet away. But in about seven months, I will pay off a big chunk of loans. I realize that my space will eventually be returned to me, but even then, this room really isn't my own. I live in my parents' house, with their rules. I don't have the freedom I experienced when I was away at college. Even though I am saving a whole lot of money by staying, can that money buy me freedom?

Mañana

In 14 hours I start working! I will officially be a part of the American workforce. Today I bought some scrubs for the occasion. While in nursing school, I had decided where I wanted to work and what type of unit I wanted to work in. I was also adamant about which hospital and unit I DEFINITELY DID NOT want to work at. But here I am, less than a day away from starting at that very hospital I never ever wanted to be at, in the unit that I always detested. I'm curious as to how this job and hospital will change my career path and alter the goals I had set for myself while in school. Surprisingly, I am not upset or discouraged by the shift my life has taken. It's going to be a fun experience, seeing where my life will take me and where my career will go. Maybe I'll find what my true passion is. Only time will tell. But as for right now, I must prepare for tomorrow.

Static

I'm crawling out of my own skin. I'm in need of a new experience, a change in my life that I have not experienced before. I start my job in less than two weeks, but it's not a very big change in my life. I will be working at the same hospital I've centered my life around for the past 19 years and will be surrounded with familiar faces. Not exactly the change I'm looking for. What I truly want to do is to move. Not to Pasadena or Alhambra or anywhere I can access with local public transportation. I want to move to Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, Chicago, SOMEWHERE ELSE! For the past five years everything has pretty much stayed the same. At times it feels like I am not living my life. I'm just going with the motions and doing what I am supposed to do. Aside from the new job opportunity I have, which I am very grateful for, there is nothing here for me in Southern California. I love my friends and family, but everyone is moving on and living their lives whereas my life seems so stagnant.

HIRED!

Today at 9:57 AM I received a call from the nurse recruiter, and she offered me a job on the med-surg unit. Sweet! Tomorrow I'm going to fill out all the paperwork, get my physical, and get my badge. Woohoo!

what a TEASE

I have been growing more and more impatient with my application status at the hospital I applied to. I've been calling the nurse recruiter to get an update, but I just keep getting her voicemail. Each time I am tempted to yell, "CAN YOU PLEASE JUST TELL ME IF I AM HIRED OR NOT!?" But of course I don't and instead leave the generic message I have created for situations like this. I interviewed with three units, and I am very interested in two. And now the universe is starting to mess with me. Today I ran into the two nurse managers of the two units I want to work in. Oh come on! Both times I wanted to scream, "AM I HIRED OR NOT?!" It took all the inner strength I had not to do so. Please hire me.

But my life's not always such a downer. I officially graduated from college. And like I predicted, it was a circus. I also got to see the 2010 NBA Champion LA Lakers at the taping for Jimmy Kimmel. Apparently there were over 950,000 people who tried to get tickets. We were less than 50 feet away from them! It was so awesome! Tomorrow I'm going to buy the Wheaties box with the Lakers on it. =)

Step 5/5 v3

Third time's the charm? Maybe. The verdict on whether or not I will be hired is still out. I just came from my third interview with another nurse manager. Last night I completely forgot I had an interview. I just didn't care anymore. The only thing that excited me about this interview was the fact that I would get to wear my new shoes. It was an interview on an orthopedic/med-surg floor, which is not my forte. Well, it's not that it's not my forte, I just strongly dislike (borderline hate) ortho. I wasn't sure what to expect for the interview, but when I got there, I was pleasantly surprised. The nurse manager was very welcoming. Her interview method was not what I had encountered in the previous interviews, which were more structured. She took me around the unit to meet the nurses and staff. Much to my surprise, I can actually see myself working on this unit, not because of the patient demographic, but due to the team. Most med-surg units I've been on have very indifferent, unhappy or grumpy nurses. But on this unit, all the nurses were really enthusiastic, welcoming and seemed to love their job. Fortunately, the nurse manager informed me that in the past few months, the unit has shifted into being less orthopedic. Thank you! I never pictured myself working in med-surg, but with this particular unit, it's not so bad. I think I would actually enjoy it.

Circus

I'm walking down the aisle in two weeks. No, I'm not getting married. It's my college graduation. And it is a circus. My mom ordered 75 official invitations for various families then asked my cousin to make 15 more because we ran out. Last night I looked through our guest list, and if all the people we invited were to show up, there would be a little over 180 people in attendance. Of course not all those people will go, but the fact that we invited over 180 people makes this event a CIRCUS. I never really wanted this, but I do appreciate my mom's efforts. I haven't made any input on what I want for this event because honestly, I don't care. Although today after watching the Laker game, I told my mom I wanted my decorations to be purple and gold (Laker colors.) She turned to me and said, "Of course. Because you're a winner." Ah, gotta love the Laker pride in my family. My aunt is also getting me purple and gold/yellow orchid leis, and my other aunt wants to make me a purple and gold sign. Luckily my school colors are purple and gold, but of course all my purple and gold for that day is meant to represent the Lakers. ;)

Blerg.

I feel sick. My stomach is churning from sheer nervousness. Why? Because I got another interview with another nurse manager at the hospital I'm applying to. That makes this nurse manager interview #3. Friends keep reassuring me that this is a good sign. "They wouldn't give you another interview if they didn't like you." While that is a strong and valid argument, I can't help but think, "Is the nurse recruiter just giving me more chances because the other nurse managers didn't like me and passed on me?" That questions has been swimming around in my head all day and will continue to do so until my interview next week. I had the same question before nurse manager interview #2, but it wasn't quite so strong. But since this is my third interview and have not been hired, I'm getting very nervous. The residency program starts in about two months. Shouldn't I know by now?

Step 5/5 (again)

Yesterday I received a call from the nurse recruiter asking me to do another interview for another nurse manager. The interview was today, and I was asked the same exact questions as last time. This interview was more nerve wracking than the others because it's not the usual protocol. In my mind, I set up the steps of hiring, and this extra interview was a curveball. Regardless, I got through it. I find myself getting a little impatience with the whole hiring process. I want to know already!

Round 2

The first round of the NBA Playoffs will officially come to an end tomorrow. Eight teams will have been eliminated and subsequently put on vacation. Eight will remain, including my Los Angeles Lakers. They have beaten the Oklahoma Thunder and are moving on to the Utah Jazz. Quoting Scott Howard-Cooper from NBA.com, "Lakers in 7."

I find out whether or not I get the job I've been applying for some time this next week. Monday will be exactly one week since my interview, and they told me they would let me know in a week. If 5 PM Tuesday comes along and I don't hear back, I think I'll go crazy. But lucky for me there's a Laker game on that night. Phew.

Step 5/5

The final step. On Friday the nurse recruiter called me to schedule a manager meeting for today. I was a little at ease because it was the nurse manager my parents know. She made me feel really at ease during my interview. She went through the standard list of interview questions: tell me about yourself, what are your strengths, weaknesses, what sets you apart from all the 600 applicants, la la la. Then we started talking about my family and how our families are intertwined. It was really easy to talk to her. She did say an odd thing though. She showed me the pile of applicants she had interviewed (maybe about 50 or so) and said that she wasn't really interested in any of them. I don't know what to think about that. I'm supposed to find out in the next week whether or not I got the job. I really hope I do. If I do, I have a list of things I would like to do between now and the time I start working in late August.

1. Study for GREs
2. Go to San Francisco for a weekend trip
3. Take a week or two vacation to the Pacific Northwest, specifically Seattle and Portland
4. Buy a car

Just one week. I can be patient for a week, I hope.

Playoffs

As we come to the close of yet another NBA season, we are ushered into, in my opinion, one of the most spectacular and aggressive displays of human athleticism : the NBA Playoffs. Since being conditioned into a Laker fan at the age of six, I have always watched the Playoffs mainly for the Lakers. But during the course of the past few years, I have learned to expand my NBA knowledge. This year's Playoffs could not come at a better time. I'm starting to swim in the stresses of my life, but with the Playoffs here, I get to take a breather. As the eloquent writers of the (flailing) show "How I Met Your Mother" articulated in a recent episode, "What's great about sports: they take your mind off your troubles, if only for a moment." Agreed.

Limbo

I had mentioned in a previous post that my dad knows that nurse manager for the unit I am applying to. Tonight we went to visit her. She lives on the floor below us, and my parents thought it would be a good idea to just drop by. I was a little uneasy about this because some people don't like that. Luckily, she was very nice and was glad to see our family. She said she would talk to the nurse recruiter tomorrow and see if she could set me up with a nurse manager interview. Sweet! Then I learned that there are only 19 spots open for the RN residency program and 600 have applied. Shit. She also mentioned that she interviewed someone yesterday right after that person had their panel interview. So the panel felt that person was well suited for that unit, but I was not offered that. I feel like I'm sinking.

I have tried my hardest to not let myself think, "You got this," even though everyone around me is saying that I do. I refuse to let myself think that because I know that if I do, and I don't get the job, I'll be even more let down. Even though uncanny events in my life have somehow come together to lead me where I am, I still won't allow myself to think that I have a good shot at getting the job I want. Ah, the good ole defense mechanism.

It makes me uneasy that applying for a job is not really about your skills, grades and what you bring to the table. It's about who you know. I realize that this is how it is, but it's difficult for me to embrace. This whole application process to this particular hospital has been based on who I know, well mostly who my parents know. I supposed I just have to suck it up because this may be the only way I can get a job in this economy.

Step 4/5

Ah, step 4: panel interview. The most nerve-wracking step of them all. My appointment was at 10:45 AM, but they were running behind by about an hour. While I was waiting to be called in, the fire alarm went off and the whole building had to be evacuated. At least that got my mind off the interview. Once we were allowed back inside, I started talking to the other applicants who were also waiting for their panel interview. Aha, my competition! I didn't get much time to speak with them because once I started getting to know them, the recruiter came in to escort me to the interview room. It was a room of five employees gathered around a round table. I'm not sure what their names and title were because I was too nervous to even try and remember. All seemed nice except one. I think she was the Director of Nursing. She was kind of cold, but I guess that goes along with interviewing. For sure her number one agenda was not to make me feel comfortable. They asked me five questions, one being a case scenario.

"Mr. Wright is a 76 y.o. patient with pneumonia. T 101.2, P 120, RR 28, BP 180/90, Pulse ox 88% on 2L O2. He is on regular diet but only eats 30% of his meals and his family has not come to visit in days. What is he at risk for and why? What are your concerns for this patient? What are your nursing interventions?"

No too shabby. The rest of the questions were about my clinical experience with patients and experiences with peers. I felt like my interview was short. They asked me their questions, asked if I had any questions for them (I didn't. My mind was just blank.), and sent me on my way. Brilliant.

Now I wait for the nurse recruiter who recruited me to call me and tell me whether or not I get to have an interview with the nurse manager of the unit they decide to place me in. It's in God's hands now.
Oh how I hate the waiting...

Step 3/5

This morning I woke up to my phone ringing, and on the caller ID it said the name of the hospital I'm applying to. The nurse recruiter was calling to have a phone interview with me. Crap! I wasn't even half awake yet. Luckily she gave me the option of having her call back a couple hours later. Phew! My mom gave me a booklet she had about the hospital's mission statement, values and policies. I skimmed through it quickly, but it turned out that I didn't even need it. Around 12:30 my mom asked me to pick up some Thai food at a local restaurant. The wait took forever even though we ordered in advance. The room had the AC on blast, but I was started sweating for nervousness. It was quickly reaching 1 PM (my phone interview time) and I was anxious to get home. I made it home just in time, and a few minutes later that recruiter called. Throughout the entire interview I was trying to read into her voice to see how I was doing. Easier said than done. She's been doing this for a while and seems to know how to keep it neutral. The questions she asked were based off the questionnaire I had answered. She also asked me some scenario questions. After the final question I really had no idea how I did. Then I asked her how long it would take for me to know whether or not I would get a panel interview. She responded with, "Well, I think I would like to push your application on to the panel interview." SWEET! She proceeds to tell me that my interview is this Tuesday (in 5 days) and will be meeting with four representatives and should be prepared to answer questions about patient safety, change management, teamwork and a critical thinking scenario question. I have five days to prep what I am going to say and to get all my paperwork ready. Here we go!

Step 2/5

I just sent in my email questionnaire for the hospital I'm trying to get into. Step 2 complete. It was only ten questions, but the hardest thing about it was getting started. Apparently the questionnaire is to screen the people who really want to work there from the people that don't. I hope I was convincing enough at proving that I really do want to work there (which I think I do).

Question #1 was fairly easy: Why do you want to work at here? My secret to answering that question was going to their website and looking at their mission statement and somehow slipping that into my response. I learned from my management clinical that organizations really like it when you know what their goal is.

The rest of the questions were the usual: "What units are you interested in and why?, "Describe blah blah blah from your clinical experience," "How would you deal with this such and such situation." You know, that type of thing.

I got stuck on one question though: Tell us of a time when you had to conform to a policy with which you did not agree. Crap. I haven't really encountered this. So what did I do? I pseudo-fabricated one. It did happen, but it wasn't so much a policy than a unit preference. Oops.

My response to the last question was the best: If you accepted a position in the Residency, it requires a commitment to work for 2.5 year beyond the program. What is it about you that would make the hospital believe that you would keep this commitment? My response in a nutshell: It's my home.

Now, it may sound like bullshit, which even to me it does, but when it comes down to it, it is my home. In October it will be 19 years living in this hospital community. I went to school at the hospital's elementary school, go to church at the hospital's church, volunteered at the hospital, spent a vast majority of my afternoons in the hospital cafeteria loitering (looking back I'm surprised they didn't kick us out after all those hours and years of just buying chips and freeloading off their water), and go to my doctors appointments here. I'm the last of the original people who used to all live here, and I suppose I wouldn't mind staying for another three years.

And at my home today, I baked a funfetti cake with chocolate frosting. It's bomb dig!